Today is Valentines Day. I have plans tonight with my partner but for now, I am reading and reading and reading. It is my third week on a break from working on my novel. I’ve been enjoying this time, running errands, cleaning and even baking. But now I am starting to feel that I need to get back to work.
I want to wait out the rest of the week and maybe start next week by reading through my second draft again. I’ve done a good job of ignoring my draft and printed manuscript this entire time, trying to put some space between me and my work. I need fresh eyes the next time I read my draft. I’ve been trying not to think about my characters too much and I think it’s been a healthy break. During the last few months, my obsession with writing my novel and working on my characters was taking over my life. I was thinking about my characters all the time, jotting down notes and backstories, analyzing them and trying to shape them into real people. But until I get back into my obsession, I’ll take advantage of this time by reading.
Here is my Goodreads list of what I am currently reading,
I woke up with Lana Del Rey’s “Tomorrow Never Came” playing in my head. The line, “sitting on the park bench, waiting for you” repeating over and over in my mind. I can hear the music, her voice. Are those words even right? Or do they go another way, I have to look it up,
No, I was wrong, the part I was thinking of, it goes,
“I waited for you
In the spot you said to wait
In the city, on a park bench
In the middle of the pouring rain”
The image is stuck in my head, and it repeats over and over. Now I am finally able to drown it out listening to Warpaint, or Sharon Van Etten. I don’t think I really like “Tomorrow Never Came” as much as other Lana songs, so strange. The reference to Elton John and with accompanying vocals by Sean Ono Lennon. The past is present, it lives on, its alive within us.
What does it mean when I get songs stuck in my head? How am I able to hear the song, the instruments, everything not just the words. I can recall exactly how it sounds as if I am actually listening to the song, how is the brain capable of that?
This is week two of me taking a break from working on my novel. I have given the second draft to a trusted friend and I am patiently waiting for them to finish it and provide some much-needed feedback. I feel calmer and less anxious this week than last, I had been itching to keep working on my novel but refused to look at any drafts or write any background on my characters. I need to distance myself from my work so I can gain a better perspective.
When I say/write “my novel” it sounds so pretentious. But when I say “my book” it sounds flat and lifeless, like it could be anything, a recipe book, a book of quotes, anything. Novel sounds better.
For lunch today, I had a wheat bagel toasted with butter and blackberry jam. I fried up some scrambled eggs and ground up some pepper and salt for taste. I drink my coffee, my thermos keeps my french roast hot for hours, the longest I’ve counted was seven hours, I think that was yesterday.
Mundane details of my day, by writing them out I’m keeping myself occupied, my mind and my constant desire to write anything.
Every morning I use my electric kettle and boil enough water to fill the french press up to the little white line that denotes ‘4 cups’. I use pre-ground organic french dark roast coffee. I have cut cream out completely from my daily coffee ritual. Did that take as long as when I cut out sugar years ago? After I noticed I went through a 5 lb bag of white cane sugar in only a couple of months. The amount of sugar I used is revolting to me now. Two to three teaspoons per cup. Cup after cup after cup after cup.
There is a winter storm warning in effect right now. It started yesterday around noon. The big white flurries coming down. The mountains white with snow and half hidden by looming thick grey clouds. I drove around and ran some errands, bought a new pair of shoes and decided to go home. Reading the road, the drivers, aware of their movements which were becoming more erratic since it started snowing, I didn’t want to risk it. Risk being on the road with people excited, aroused, or angry ready to hit the gas and plow through the snow only to slip and slide and run into each other or worse, me.
Now the snow has piled up high, at least a foot on the fence as far as I can tell when I look out the window. There is so much snow. I am beginning to wonder how long it takes for people to get cabin fever in these conditions. I think about reading The Shining. I really want to and I am surprised that I haven’t yet. Today would be a perfect day to start but I have plans.
Soon I will have to pull on my layers, my boots and gloves, wrap myself up and go outside to dig out my truck. I have plans tonight with my partner and the short drive to meet him will take longer than usual today. Can’t help but think about the movie The Thing, can’t help but think to myself that some things are not what they appear even when they look familiar. My street, the house, even my truck hidden under snow on snow, white on white. It is all unfamiliarly familiar like prescribed deja vu.
In the back of my mind, I can hear my characters, they shuffle in the kitchen, pacing. I can hear their voices begging me to let them out. I can only imagine what’s going to happen when this is over.
I’ve decided to take a break from my manuscript for a while. I need to finish reading a few books and put some space between me and my characters. After my last post, My First Novel: (Finishing 2nd Draft) I ordered a printed copy of my manuscript. It was substantially thinner than the first draft.
I can’t figure out the ending quite yet and there are still about a dozen places in dialogue that need work but I wanted to read through it once and see how it felt. I made it a point just to read through my 2nd draft without editing, making any marks or highlighting. I just had to read it.
It has been stripped down to the bare bones, I cut about 16,000 words from the original 50,000. There are places where I can put some much-needed padding and other spots where I saw that chapters were almost identical (as far as the intended goal). But overall I enjoyed reading my manuscript without editing it, it only took me about two days to finish reading it.
I plan on keeping myself away from my manuscript for about a week or two, then I’ll dive into the third draft. Until then I plan on posting a couple things about what I’ve been reading, such as all the Patti Smith books I’ve been reading, and a list of how-to writing books.
Yesterday, I finished editing the 2nd rough draft of my novel. I was elated but then immediately felt let down, in my mind I had finished writing the book again and was sad to see it end.
I still have some work to do before I order a printed manuscript. I have about a dozen pages that I have marked. These pages need work on dialogue, additional beats, expansion, and added details. I’m tempted on just ordering a manuscript today and working through it but I know what I need to do, it’s just hard.
What is also daunting is the fact that I’ve cut approximately 16,000 words from my first draft. My word count for the first draft was a little over 50,000 words. But after going through the draft and spending some time rereading chapters I cut, and cut, and cut.
The biggest cut that happened was the ending. At the time I was finishing the first draft, I was conflicted on who’s Point Of View (POV) I was going to use, so I wrote out about five different endings, all from the perspective of each character, the characters that mattered. I cut all the endings out and landed on a two-paragraph epilogue. The Epilogue doesn’t sit well with me because of the voice of the narrator and I’m debating on cutting that out as well and leaving the end of the book at the end of the chapter of Part Four. I’m just not entirely sure what to do about the ending.
I’ve read in many books on writing that working from the ending backward helps writers figure out what their story is really about. I know what mine is about but I am tempted to try this out, or at least on the next draft working backward, editing from the last chapter to the very first.
In summary, I am checking in and vomiting up my doubts and insecurities about my draft today. I have about four hours today to work on my novel and I will, I really will but with reluctance.
What I’m Listening to:
The inspirational playlist I’ve created for my novel GHOST IN THE WOODS
I am writing my first fiction novel, a Supernatural Thriller! I want to chronicle the writing of my book so I have a reference point in the future. This will be the place on my blog (Fiction: Writing My First Novel) where I’ll be posting updates on my progress, discussing elements of fiction, and any issues I have. I will be blogging my journey of writing in case other new fiction writers are looking for relatable content.
The Story Thus Far and NaNoWriMo
In 2014, I scribbled out a few pages of a story, an image stuck in my head of a man on the run puking up blood. But I hit a wall, and the pages were eventually forgotten. Four years later, in the Fall of 2018, I recalled the story, the image of the man popping into my head one day out of the blue. Since then, I have become obsessed with writing my novel.
For the National Novel Writing Month of November 2018, I spent the entire month writing the first draft. Barely over 50,000 words in three parts with countless chapters, it revealed itself as a Supernatural Thriller, no big surprise there. Now, in 2019, I am working on the second draft, which is a long and grueling process.
From now on, I will be chronicling my work, including my progress and the reading materials I am using (such as Self-Editing for Fiction Writers). I hope to create a dialogue about writing fiction novels that can help other writers while keeping an archive of my journey for future use and reflection.
Are you writing a novel? Let’s connect! I’d love to hear about your experience, process, and recommended reading materials.
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