The events of this week have left me emotionally drained and exhausted. Kenosha, Hurricane Laura, everything. I am trying to stay positive, read more, exercise, and take care of my health but it’s so much work right now with everything going on. I can’t give up. I have to keep hope for the future. Here’s a small poem, because I don’t have the energy to go into detail about the brutal shootings in Kenosha and the protests. It’s heart-breaking.
Yesterday, I finally decided that I was going to read Mary L. Trump’s book Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man. For the last month, I had been reading numerous articles anticipating the release of Mary’s book. Curious about what she had to say, I finally bought the kindle version yesterday. Of course, I’m not surprised that Trump tried to stop her from publishing this book in the final countdown before the election.
What to expect?
Well, I am going to read and review Mary’s book. I plan to have my review done by the end of this month or sooner. I am going to pick the book apart like I would any other piece of written content. Concept/theme, structure, and clarity. I’m curious about Mary’s angle and how the book’s subject matter will be plotted out. I am also eager to go over her references and sources.
Trying to balance out life, staying-at-home, and how much time I spend on social media. Being home all the time has its side effects. My beer gut is growing. I have unlimited access to the news and social media if left unchecked. And without a routine, I will surely spiral into chaos. But I’ve stuck to my routine and continue to read and write all the time.
I allow myself about one to two hours a day of ingesting news. I read The New York Times and The Salt Lake Tribune. Tapering down on social media has also helped bring my stress levels down.
How long is this going to last?
We’re heading into the FIFTH MONTH of COVID-19. In the U.S. there is still chaos, misinformation, and poor leadership. But I have hope, and with the Black Lives Matter movement still going strong, my fingers are crossed that this year’s election is not a repeat of 2016.
Peaceful Protests Escalated by Cottonwood Heights PD
In Salt Lake City, local news continues to smear peaceful protesters, casting them as rioters causing trouble. This weekend a peaceful protest in Cottonwood Heights was escalated when police showed up outnumbering protesters. They herded protesters, had their cars towed, and then assaulted and pepper-sprayed them. I watched so many live videos on Instagram from protesters that showed the police attacking and brutalizing them. Horrible.
It’s like the police just don’t get it. Their actions are why peaceful protesters are on the streets. The Salt Lake Tribune published an article that, in my opinion, aimed to cheer for the Cottonwood Heights Police Department while smearing the peaceful protesters. Yesterday there was another protestwhere Trump and Blue Lives Matter supporters showed up but more concerning is that Utah Citizens’ Alarm group was there and armed with guns, a “deterrent to violence,” said Casey Roberston, founder of the group in the Salt Lake Tribune’s article.
The Utah Citizens’ Alarm showing up with guns is not to deter violence. It’s to intimidate protesters, visually threatening them by carrying guns, implying that they will shoot them if protesters become “violent”. Of course, the police do nothing about this group, and I’ve read articles that many in this group know the police. They are working in tandem with them. The group says on their Facebook page that they support peaceful protests. There is something unsettling about the way they talk about themselves and their mission.
Black Lives Matter Utah works in cooperation with CAG, The Coalition for Police Reform, The United Front Civil Rights Organization, Brown Berets, Cop Watch Salt Lake City, SURJ, United Front White Allies, Utah Against Police Brutality, and many other activist groups. We encourage you to join every group and support them all. We are in no competition with any other group. All active civil rights groups which fight against oppression should be supported.
This group is what you make of it. If you have an idea then suggest it and run with it. Lead. Do not be afraid to lead and to help the movement.
385-743-0298
They provide a phone number and a list of other organizations they work with.
This is their about page. To me it is concerning. Look at the parts I’ve bolded. It’s like they’re spinning that they support peaceful protests, solidarity, but the wording is vague and general. I don’t trust this group and it concerns me that this group has 18.3k members. If they have nothing to hide and they are working with law enforcement why is the group set to PRIVATE?
About This Group
MISSION STATEMENT
Utah Citizens’ Alarm works to maintain peace in the state of Utah by educating its communities in areas of preparedness and self-defense; fostering unity between citizens of all backgrounds and races as a show of solidarity in times of disaster and civil unrest; and building strong relationships with law enforcement through cooperative community efforts.
VISION STATEMENT
Utah Citizens’ Alarm creates an environment of safety, preparedness, and peace in communities and neighborhoods across our state through strong, organized citizen alliances.
OUR START
In June of 2020, concerned Utah citizen Casey Robertson made a life-changing decision to invite friends to take a stand against violence that had been accompanying protests over issues of racial inequality and police brutality. The result of his simple call to action on social media was a flood of local patriots ready and willing to join and support his cause of supporting peaceful protest while denouncing and deterring violence. The group grew quickly – by the thousands in a matter of days – and immediately became known as Utah Citizens’ Alarm.
It was Casey’s love for his country and his home town that prompted him to stand against violence after a Provo protest turned ugly, ending in the shooting of a driver trying to make his way through the crowd blocking an intersection. Now, along with inviting Utah residents to stand against violence at protests, Casey also aims to help people form alliances in their own small communities that will create neighborhoods that are safe, protected, and prepared for all situations.
So Casey is helping small communities set up alliances, groups, of armed citizens to defend themselves? To protect peaceful protesters? To protect their neighborhoods from “violence”?
There is a difference between peaceful protesters gathering and ARMED CIVILIANS showing up to protests to “deter violence”.
I will be looking for more information about this group to prove my point wrong that Utah Citizens’ Alarm is not just a gun-toting group that shows up to intimidate protesters.
How obvious does it have to be? Do people not see what is happening here?
For months now, this specific group of protesters gathered every Sunday and danced in the streets. Dancing in the street is punishable by being pepper-sprayed, beaten, and threatened with felony charges?
I’m deeply disappointed in Utah. The response here to the protests is unacceptable and continues to sour. Watching Live Videos from KSL news on Facebook covering the protests is difficult; people comment that unemployed kids have nothing better to do than protest for criminals.
I see more and more “Trump 2020!” and “BlueLivesMatter” on Facebook and other social media platforms. Disgusting. I have been coming across comments that say the Black Lives Matter movement has been hijacked, used as an excuse to protest just about anything. Amazing, the ignorance is incredible.
How do these people supporting cops, not see the injustice, the brutality? Even when it happens right in front of them when police assault peaceful protesters? Is it possible that many of the same people that cheer “Trump 2020!” are also the ones spouting “Blue Lives Matter”? Hmmm.
I could go on and on but I’m going to wrap up my little opinion-rant.
DISCLAIMER: This blog post is a reflection of personal experiences and opinions. My blog is personal, so is my writing, my poetry, all of it. I’ll cut to the chase to save you some time. I support BLM, and I wear a mask. I’ll state that now, since it seems like everyone only cares about knowing what side you’re on?
Motivation? Where?
I feel like a train slowing down on the tracks, out of steam, out of energy. Tired. For the past week, I’ve been asking myself, “Where’s my motivation?”
R.I.P. John Lewis
Reading about John Lewis has been inspiring. His death has reverberated through the country, and he will be sorely missed. Losing Lewis now during the movement is a blow, but his work, his life continues to influence many. Myself included. Rest in peace John Lewis.
I just started watching this a couple of days ago. Amazing. I’m a huge fan of the Watchmen comic, it played an important part of my teen years, and the movie that came out (over a decade ago now?!) was pretty cool. I highly recommend this series if you’re in the mood for something serious and dark. It’s relevant to present times.
Sick of being inside, but I’m staying indoors.
Four months I’ve been inside, staying home, rarely going out. And when I leave the apartment, I’m only going to places I have to go to: the store, post office, and gas station. And the occasional social distancing visit with a family member. In total, I’ve probably been out maybe fifteen times.
Whenever I go to a public place, I wear my mask. It’s just common courtesy, but I guess it’s too much of an inconvenience to save lives for some people?
Guess what there’s a great little group of anti-maskers in Utah calling themselves “Defending Utah” that have been flash mobbing retail stores—protesting by swarming places, putting Utahns at risk, and putting their own lives at risk.
I did a bit of research, and it turns out that there were also anti-maskers during the 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic. Big surprise.
I’m worn out. It seems to me that every single thing is being politicized. Every action taken is scrutinized with social media as the tool. I’m not saying I’m innocent, and I haven’t been doing this, I have, but even I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of people starting up arguments. It’s a waste of time because they’re not interested in having a conversation; they only want to yell their opinions. I am not interested in seeking out people that I disagree with and attacking them with belittling comments and derogatory remarks that are not my style.
I love to have conversations with people. I don’t care if you believe in god or not. I don’t care if you call yourself a republican or democrat, I am open to talking with anyone. The country is divided (always has been) it’s disheartening to see the division grow.
Of course, there will probably be some troll out there that will take that as an invitation to start attacking via “let’s have a conversation.”
What I’m not open to is opening up a conversation with someone only interested in tooting their own horn and proceeding to attack me and my beliefs.
Everyone is so busy fighting with each other, we’re getting distracted. People are questioning everyone’s motives; people are questioning scientific studies and facts. People are skewing the truth to fit their narrative (they’re not protestors, they are anarchists).
This will go on for the rest of the year, possibly next year too, but that’s just my opinion. I think it’s very likely things are not going to “die down.” The tension is only going to get worse the closer we get to the Election.
What I’ve been up to
I’m focusing on remote work, freelancing, and writing. But lately, I feel burnt out, exhausted, and struggling to keep my motivation up. I want to help, do my part, and show my support for Black Lives Matter.
Does that mean being a full-time social media BLM protestor? Sharing news and events, signing petitions, and making donations with whatever extra money I have? Yes.
To combat feeling burned out, I have been cutting down how many hours I work each day (usually around nine or ten). I also take micro-breaks from social media, turning off my notifications for twenty-four to forty-eight hours and focus on something else.
Why are people questioning science? Doctors? Health officials with background and experience in their respective fields? Why are people ready to fight against wearing a mask?
Where the hell did the rumor that masks are harmful to wear come from?
The first I heard of it was last Monday when I watched Governor Herbert’s COVID Briefing LIVE on K.S.L.
Bizarre.
What’s even crazier to me, reading in The Salt Lake Tribune that Cache County has asked it’s residents to have a “day of prayer“? This state is bizarre. I’ve said it before for years and years now, and I’ll repeat it IN UTAH THERE IS NO SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. Don’t get me started on Utah County, and I don’t want to get into that today.
Staying Positive
The movement is still going.
But I admit it’s hard to stay positive when…
…I read about Portland protestors being assaulted and detained by unidentifiable (no badge, no I.D. number) Feds.
…I read Trump’s Remarks on Phase Four Negotiations, and he equates protestors with anarchists and says he’s going to deploy Feds to cities “run by liberal Democrats.“
…My Property Manager tells me I have to take down my BLM sign in my window because one of their properties had a window smashed displaying a sign. Interpret that however you like.
Despite my lack of motivation, I am inspired now more than ever to take action and donate more, sign more petitions, and do my tiny part in keeping the movement going.
I’ve made more donations besides these including Black Lives Matter organizations, George Floyd’s family, and others, but I can do more. I can be better and do better.
I’ll end with this; I hope you are doing well. I hope you are safe and healthy.
July sucks. Everything sucks. Maybe not always, but why is this month so hard?
Since July 4th, Independence Day, I’ve lost a lot of motivation.
Juggling two internships, revising my novel, looking for freelance opportunities, and applying to jobs. And oh yeah, that’s right, keeping up with the Black Lives Matter protests. Add a thick layer of COVID-19 cases spiking across the nation, and in Utah, we are now ranking in the Top 30 places with COVID cases per day, lack of testing, and lose restrictions.
Bring it on.
I’ve focused on cutting back on social media and scheduling a lot of my Twitter, Facebook Page, and LinkedIn posts instead. Re-sharing, sharing again and sharing petitions, links to donations, and news supporting the BLM movement plus everything else I’m doing.
Now I’m stuck.
Stuck feeling like every day is a new struggle. A brand new day to see if I can keep it all together, keep hope, and truck along.
Now more than ever, I feel like change is possible. It can happen, but the tension, the debates, and the absolute absurdity in politicizing every issue this country is facing right now are hindering progress.
Why is wearing a masked political when there are data and facts, scientists and doctors, that give us real reasons to wear a mask?
Why is it increasingly us versus them?
Why is a fight for equality, BLM, perceived by some as anti-American?
That seems to me to go against what it means to be an American. Isn’t the whole point of America justice, liberty, and freedom for ALL? I’m sorry, am I wrong? I guess maybe not “ALL” just a select few, such as those who are NOT POC, who are NOT POOR, who are NOT RICH WHITE MALES.
I guess if we reduce people to numbers, “1% will die? Ok, that’s fine with me,” suddenly we don’t care?
1% of people dying in the U.S. from COVID is A LOT OF PEOPLE. Approximately a little over 3 Million.
We thought 9/11 was bad, what about COVID?
But maybe 3 Million people dead is not enough for some to care?
Oh, well, I guess if most of that 1% are minorities and poor, it doesn’t matter at all?
This is what I’m seeing; this is what I’m hearing.
We are in a war, a war against COVID, poverty, inequality, and corruption. A fight to the death, for our lives.
I don’t understand the tension, the divide.
We are falling apart when we should be united, fighting to protect our neighbors, our families, our friends, everyone.
-Alina
On a lighter note, if you’re still with me, here’s a link to a few of my latest Medium stories:
These are my latest four stories. Check out my Medium profile here.
What is coming:
Another “Life During COVID” blog post this week
Podcast sesh #3 (by next week)
Poems (I will start to post poems again. I haven’t since March)
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Thank you so much for reading, subscribing, and following.
Stay safe and stay healthy!
Cheers,
Alina
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