utah Archives

Life During COVID-19 (6/6/2020): George Floyd Protests and My White Woman Privilege

June 6, 2020July 9, 2020 Alina H. Hansen Writer & Poet2 Comments

I’m trying to process everything that’s happening in the U.S. right now. The pain, rage, frustration; it’s infectious. Last week, watching the news, the protests and riots, I felt like I was falling.

Falling into an abyss of hopelessness. How many Black Americans have to die at the hands of police? This question has been repeating through my head every single day, over and over again.

In my last post “Life During COVID-19“, I talked about the growing tension emanating from the protests and riots and my fear that people would die. Sadly, people have died, people have been injured, and businesses destroyed.

What was weird, was that morning I wrote my blog post (May 30th) it crossed my mind about the possibility that there would be protests in Salt Lake City. I remember thinking, But would there be riots?

Yes.

On Saturday, May 30th, exactly one week ago. Salt Lake City had a peaceful protest that turned into a riot. One cop car was flipped and set on fire in front of the Salt Lake City’s Public Library downtown. Another car was flipped and set on fire, belonging to the man that shouted, “ALL LIVES MATTER!” with a bow in hand, arrow aimed and pointed at protesters at point-blank range. The protesters thankfully descended on him, preventing him from harming anyone.

I watched this happen, live, on the news. I watched the riot less than a mile away from my home for over six hours that day. And I had a hard time sleeping. My fear, my worry, my concern for my friends, my family was so overwhelming, I felt like I was being crushed. Worried about the people in my life I care about being brutalized by police, or worse, hunted down and killed by white supremacists.

What’s happened since then?

I participated in #blackouttuesday. I didn’t post black squares on Instagram, I didn’t post on any of my social media profiles. I chose not to even go on social media all day. It was a day of reflection for me. A day to reflected on my white woman privilege, and my duty to my fellow Americans to be a better person.

What do I mean by “better person”? I mean, an individual who cares for others’ well-being, who believes in fighting for equality and creating opportunity for those our system directly oppresses and aims to obliterate.

I tweeted the next day my experience reflecting on my white woman privilege,

Yesterday I participated in #blackouttuesday #theshowmustbepaused I did not post on social media, I did not even go on social media. I spent the day reflecting on the #protests #riots and the murder of #georgefloyd and countless other Black Americans, victims of #policebrutality

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

All I keep thinking is, How many have to die before change happens? I can’t give up hope, and I can do my small part to be a better individual, to speak up, to have conversations on race, and strive for making change in day to day interactions. #blackouttuesday #georgefloyd #BLM

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

My senior year of college, I was sickened by the consistent graffiti and posting of white supremacists propaganda on the U of U’s campus. I deconstructed and analyzed white supremacist rhetoric in this essay https://t.co/lTunInCWru #blacklivesmatter #georgefloyd

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

Words are powerful. Rhetoric is powerful. We can make change happen on the most basic levels of communication, our conversations with others, our friends, our families. We need to have conversations, utilize words as tools to build a better future. #blacklivesmatter #georgefloyd

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

As a white woman, I recognize my white privilege, my privileges as a woman. I ask, What can I do to make the future better, how can I utilize my words, my rhetoric to be a better ally, and inspires others to take action? #blacklivesmatter #georgefloyd

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

I encourage white women to reflect on their privileges. We cannot advocate for women’s rights, equality, spout feminist rhetoric, if we ignore our fellow Black Americans as they continue to suffer and die from the plague of systemic racism. #blacklivesmatter #georgefloyd

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

Since Trump was elected, not a day goes by that I don’t acknowledge white women put him in office. I cannot express enough how devastating this is to me. This action does not reflect all of us. Do not give up hope. Keep fighting. Stay strong. #blacklivesmatter #georgefloyd

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

Change starts at the most basic level, speech. Wise words from one can inspire others and change the world. We must obliterate the social taboo of discussing racism, we must have these conversations daily. Use your words, your rhetoric, speak up. #blacklivesmatter #georgefloyd

— Alina Happy Hansen (@AHappyHansen) June 3, 2020

I feel strongly about the events that are happening all across the U.S. right now. The timing of it all, I think, makes sense. The devastation of the spread of COVID-19 across the globe, unemployment sky-rocketing, and the need for our society to dismantle and reconstruct core foundations on which the U.S. operates. This has to happen in order for the rotten roots of systemic racism to be pulled up and destroyed. We must strive for a future where Black Americans can flourish and prosper in safety and security. We must continue to fight.

If you’re still with me, here are some resources, recommended reading, and petitions that are important,

Salt Lake City peeps! BLM Utah Next scheduled BLM Peaceful Protest in SLC!

Anguish and Action

Life During COVID-19 (5/30/2020): Reflection on George Floyd, Protests Turned Riots and Growing Tensions in the U.S.

May 30, 2020August 15, 2020 Alina H. Hansen Writer & Poet2 Comments

This is My Personal Reflection on Events in the U.S. This Week.

The Murder of George Floyd, Protests turned Riots combined with the spread of COVID-19 and Record-Breaking Unemployment all combine with the growing tensions in the U.S. with an increase in possible societal combustion across the country.

This week has been crazy. And I’ve been trying to moderate my intake of news. But this is too much.

The murder of George Floyd, the protests, now riots, and this morning The New York Times Breaking News that Military police units are preparing for possible deployment,

“The move does not mean that the units will be activated, but it is a first step toward doing so, officials said. Deploying military police units — likely from Fort Bragg in North Carolina and Fort Drum in New York — would represent an escalation in the government response to the unfolding events, in an echo of past uprisings over racial tensions in America. Military police units were used in 1992 during the aftermath to the Rodney King verdict in California.”

Source: “George Floyd Protests Latest Updates” – The New York Times 5/30/2020

Justice for George Floyd is necessary. And I can’t help thinking about how this week has brought more attention to the issue of systemic racism in the U.S.

I wrote about racist rhetoric, white-supremacy, and systemic racism as an undergrad:

Racist and Anti-Diversity Posters on Utah College Campuses: White Supremacist Rhetoric Analyzed with Selected Writings of Nietzsche, Foucault, Butler, and Ranciere

There was an increase of racist posters, graffiti, and rhetoric at The University of Utah and other nearby college campuses. I gathered reports of these events, and argued in my essay, that this was growing evidence that there is an organized white-supremacists presence with an agenda.

OPINION: Since the election of Trump in 2016, I believe there is an increase in the activity of white-supremacist organizations and the distribution of their rhetoric across the nation. This is a serious concern of mine. And the events of Charlottesville are still fresh in mind.

Increase in unemployment, loss of jobs, the rise of poverty, and now the protests and riots resulting from the murder of George Floyd; these are all elements when combined, can combust in violence and death. I fear that people will die as a result.

I can’t help it, I’m trying to stay positive, I’m trying not to stress, but I can’t ignore these signs that I feel are so blatant right now. Something is happening, something is going to happen, I just hope that it’s not military intervention, violence, and death.

Please stay safe out there.

-Alina

What I have my eye on:

Voting this year, the 2020 Presidential Election

What I’m Reading:

“The devastating effects of COVID-19 on democracy – but what if there is a silver lining?”

If you liked this blog post, check out these:

Why I’m Not Celebrating Independence Day This Year

Podcast Sesh #2 June 18, 2020: Writing, Freelancing and Coping with the George Floyd Protests

Life During COVID-19: Reflecting on the Murder of Robert Fuller, Trump and a Personal Update

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Alina on Patreon: Debut Poetry Reading and Writing Discussion Podcast

May 29, 2020October 31, 2020 Alina H. Hansen Writer & Poet

Originally published on my Patreon page (Public-Access) on May 28 at 1:43pm

Debut Poetry Reading and Discussion 5/28/2020

Downloadable Link of Audio: Debut Poetry Reading and Discussion May 28, 2020.m4a

This is a taste for what’s in store for my future Patrons!

In this Reading/Discussion:

I read poems from my Poetry Reading set list at Central Book Exchange on September 27th, 2019.
I talk about how I write my poems: revision techniques, poems that are really poetic prose, or the beginnings of creative non-fiction personal essays.
I talk about the Utah Arts Festival, my poetry reading as a Literary Artist this year was postponed due to the spread of COVID-19 until 2021.

Link to my Poetry Reading at the Utah Arts Festival June 2018: alinahappyhansenwriter.com

Link to CBE Poetry Reading: Patrons-Only Post or Blog Post Public-Access

I’d like to thank Central Book Exchange again for hosting this event and allowing me to read my poetry, Thank you so much! I hope you are all doing well and staying safe! I miss coming in and browsing for Poetry.

CBE on Facebook

Poems I read from the set list:

Poem: blue jays flinting

blue jays flinting from tree to tree

Electric blue feathers, screeching at dusk and sunrise

everything’s dying, everything’s dead.

OREGON COAST 2019

California Turkey Vultures

Kings

Chinooks

Hatchery

Fin-clipped

12lb braid, Mitchelle reel

The hundreds of white-ghost bodies of half-dead jellyfish

Floating, drifting through the cold pacific water

The rush of waves against the beach, upturning broken shells,

The cream crest of the waves, folding over, clashing with each other

A discarded empty beer bottle nestled in the exposed roots of a tree

Lonely elders, spilling their lives, when provoked, to any stranger.

Anyone who shows an interest.

The slick black body of the eel that swam to shore, weaving in and out of the floating seaweed

Disappearing under the massive stone I stood on

My hands wet from pulling off seaweed tangled on the hook of my lure

The azure water changing color with the currents, low-tide-high-tide-my-tide

The gray-black ball of baitfish swimming near the surface of the water, ripples when they jump and swim close to the surface, chased below

Poem: Teeth To Ear (originally published on alinahappyhansenwriter.com)

Teeth to ear

words open and close

lips move, no sound

a gasp, escaped sentences

jump from teeth to ear

wide eyes to fists hitting flesh.

Wreck and Passenger

Nestled on a riverside

a minutes drive from the ocean

a sailboat heavy with age and time Erodes

sailless mast, a ribcage

day-in-day-out

I am passenger

in my dad’s vehicle

we are fishermen and campers, here, in this minuscule town on the Oregon coast

his vehicle purrs, its roundish body coffin-like, bubble windows close me up

in his submarine machine

we drive over the bridge

a slight incline

to decline

day-in-day-out

we drive back and forth

over the bridge

into town for McDonalds hamburgers, for lures, for breaks between fishing

I look at the sailboat wondering if it is an abandoned dream or once a living token of memories

I am passenger

the day we drive over

the bridge

(into or out of

town I cannot

remember)

my Dad booms-arm-out-finger-pointing

“Look! The sailboat sunk!”

and I look and

the sailboat

is sunk

into

the river, the mast at an angle, an arrow

pointing

down

from

the

sky

Dad talks, says, it’s unusual, “boats don’t just sink—someone got pissed off,” and

that makes sense but doesn’t

it also makes sense

that the water ate up the boat, or tried to, stuck in its throat

I am a passenger

and we drive over the bridge

day-in-day-out

my eyes linger on the boat’s crippled body, until

one day, we see ropes attached to mast-and-bone-and-wood,

a spider’s tight gossamer, webbed, and pulling

dragging the wreckage of this maybe-dream-maybe-token-of-memories

up out of the waters throat

I am passenger

in my father’s land-submarine dispirited for the resurrection of this wreck

a watery grave, even partial is better than crucifixion by time, a wooden corpse forced to rot

in view of all passerbys and passengers.

Thank you all for reading and listening to my words, my poems, it means everything to me. I deeply appreciate your time and consideration.

Stay safe and stay healthy!

Xoxo,

Alina

Want to become one of my Patrons? Go to my page here and join a tier. All patrons regardless of Tier have access to all of my patron-only content right now! Tiers start at $3/month!

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Life During COVID-19 (5/28/2020): Writing to Stay Sane

May 28, 2020August 15, 2020 Alina H. Hansen Writer & Poet

I’m struggling. To stay positive, to keep it together.

I’m checking the news only twice a day now. Once, while I have breakfast and right before I go to bed. I think this practice has helped, and I’ve read about it frequently when it comes to managing stress levels about COVID-19.

But I don’t necessarily feel stressed out about COVID-19. Yes, I am concerned. I wear a mask when I go to public places like the grocery store, the only public place I’ve gone to besides Target since Mid-March. I am more worried about the next six months, the next year. I am concerned about how my life’s going to be by May 2021.

Every time I feel like I’m drowning in worry, in doubt, I have to stop and take a moment. I have to reaffirm to myself that I have to keep going, I’m not one to throw in the towel and give up. And I’m definitely not going to wallow in despair. My coping mechanism is to take action: do something. I have to. But right now, I don’t think I’m doing enough. And coming to terms that the illusion of control creates a false sense of security is my biggest problem. I am more aware now than ever that I have no control over anything, and the smartest thing I can do is keep going.

What does all this gibbering lead to? Writing

It’s all I have. It’s all I’m doing right now to stay sane. I have to write. I need to write. Writing is my anchor, keeping me right where I need to be, somewhere between my usual, level-headed, rational self and creative combustible artist.

I have regularly completed my daily goal of writing a minimum of 1,000 words a day. I recently took a crack at editing My First Novel, my first attempt over three months. I’ve been overwhelmed, let down by myself, putting my novel on the back burner. But now I have a renewed drive to finish my recent revision.

I am currently doing line-by-line edits. Revising to the structural core of my novel. Something I’ve found daunting the last year. I have tried to keep track, but I think this revision is number 6 or 7.

Completing my daily writing goal, writing half-baked poems here and there every day, and working on my novel has kept me grounded. And I’m tightly hanging on to my writing practices, the only thing that I find therapeutic and comforting during this strange time.

I don’t know what the future holds. I can’t waste time speculating. I have to take it one day at a time.

And every day, I am grateful. I think about how lucky I am to have a roof over my head, food in the kitchen, and my health. I am thankful that no one I know has died from the virus, chances are small, but it can still happen.

All I Can Do is Keep Writing

What have you been doing regularly during the COVID-19 Pandemic to keep you sane and grounded? Have you just started a new practice or hobby? I wanna know.

Besides writing, I’ve been baking like crazy, just like everyone else. I’ve revamped my Patreon page with content only patrons have access to. I’ve created a Facebook business page for my blog, started a Literary Internship for DLG Publishing Partners, and tried to make art and create music.

I want to know what you recommend. What you’ve found to be helpful. And I’d love to start a conversation with you. Feel free to leave a comment or contact me directly.

Stay safe and stay healthy, and to other writer’s out there, keep writing!

Cheers!
Alina

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I’m struggling. To stay positive, to keep it together.

What does all this gibbering lead to? Writing

I don’t know what the future holds. I can’t waste time speculating. I have to take it one day at a time.

All I Can Do is Keep Writing

What have you been doing regularly during the COVID-19 Pandemic to keep you sane and grounded? Have you just started a new practice or hobby? I wanna know.

I want to know what you recommend. What you’ve found to be helpful. And I’d love to start a conversation with you. Feel free to leave a comment or contact me directly.

Stay safe and stay healthy, and to other writer’s out there, keep writing!

Cheers!
Alina

Want to become one of my Patrons? Go to my page here and join a tier. All patrons regardless of Tier have access to all of my patron-only content right now! Tiers start at $3/month! I will also send you via snailmail a handwritten personalized Poem + Thank you card for becoming a patron.

Become a Subscriber! Get notified when new posts are published plus once a week I will send content just for you: poem, personal update, reading list, writing tips and more!

Life During COVID-19 (5/13/2020): Freelancing, Patreon and New Toys

May 13, 2020July 8, 2020 Alina H. Hansen Writer & Poet

What a crazy week! I am spinning from how much has happened.

This will be a short and sweet post because I am swamped with stuff I need to get done.

Freelancing on fiverr.com

Yesterday, I completed my first ever Fiverr gig. It was a fun experience, and the buyer that I worked with amazing. Check out my services on fiverr.com, I offer Beta Reading, Blog/Article Writing, and Critiquing Creative Writing.

Internship

After a week-long break, I am back to work for my internship. I am excited to read new submissions and gain more experience. This internship has been incredibly fun so far, and I think this is because it is a professional and well-organized internship. So much better than my last internship!

Freelancing for Friends

Yesterday, I was called by one of my close friends and asked to help them edit and format their short stories. I am excited to be doing this extra freelance work on the side. I never thought people I know would be reaching out to me for my help on things I love to do!

More Freelancing…

Currently, I am reaching out to numerous online magazines and journals, pitching them stories. Hopefully, I will catch a Freelance assignment soon and make some more extra cash.

Free Online Classes

Right now I am taking free online courses through edx.org

I am enrolled in the following courses

Writing for Social Media
Intro to Music Theory
Ancient Masterpieces of World Literature
The Icelandic Sagas

And I have already enrolled in English Grammar & Style that starts on July 26th. I think this course will help me hone my editing and writing skills.

Patreon

I am updating my Patreon page. I haven’t worked on it since last Spring, and it has been severely neglected. It’s been on my mind lately, and I’ve been thinking about how I could utilize my Patreon page and provide more of an intimate “behind-the-scenes” access to my personal writing life to my blog and social media followers. Here is what I am putting together:

For PATRON-ONLY Access (Monthly Subscribers)

Scanned copies of my handwritten poems (not published anywhere else online)
Scanned copies of my daily writing notes (not published anywhere else online)
Exclusive videos available to PATRONS-ONLY featuring me reading some of my poetry and writing
Podcast-like updates about what is going on in my life related explicitly to pursuing my writing career, working on my novel, submitting poems to literary journals, and what I am currently reading

Starting today, I will be offering “Handwritten Thank You Card + Poem” to all Patrons; this unique offer is scheduled to end on 06/30/2020 at 12:00 p.m.

These handwritten Thank You Cards with be accompanied by one of my handwritten poems, unique and never published. Thank you, cards, and poetry will be mailed to Patrons directly via snail mail.

I will be updating posts and content on my Patreon page for the next week, and I will be posting new PATRON-ONLY content starting Friday.

New Toys!

My bf got me a Rocketbook for my birthday and decided to give it to me early. It is so cool. What it is is a reusable notebook that you use to write and scan pages directly to your email and/or Google Drive cloud. This is a fantastic tool, and I will be using it all the time. It will be my tool of choice for posting PATRON-ONLY handwritten poems, notes, and writing to my Patreon page.

New Kindle! For the first time since I was laid off back in March because of COVID-19, I have bought something I don’t need a new kindle! It is beautiful, waterproof, and I love it.

Job Search & Interviews

Lately, I have been burning out. In the last three days, I have applied to an average of eight jobs every day. It has been exhausting, and I feel like my brain is fried. I am trying to not stress out, but with June fast approaching, I am worried I won’t be able to find full-time work before the CARES ACT unemployment runs out (end of July). But I am staying positive, I have been able to save money, pay off debt, and pay my rent and bills.

This week I had an excellent interview for an Editor Position at a local business. Fingers crossed I make it to the next round of interviews. This position is part-time and would be perfect for my schedule. I also have a video interview through HireVue that I have to complete, it is for a Copywriter position, so I hope that that one goes well.

Overall

It has been a great week, and my days are packed. From 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. I am working in my office at home getting as much done as I can until dinner time.

Thank you for reading about my personal life during these strange days. What I think is bizarre right now is how it is beginning to feel normal staying home all of the time because of COVID-19. This new normal is unsettling to me and my bf, but I can’t help feeling that this will be the new normal for the rest of the year. Staying home, working from home, being…home.

Stay safe and stay healthy!

-Alina

Want to become one of my Patrons? Go to my page here and join a tier. All patrons regardless of Tier have access to all of my patron-only content right now! Tiers start at $3/month!

Subscribe! Get notified when new posts are published plus once a week I will send content just for you: poem, personal update, reading list, writing tips and more!

Why I’m Not Celebrating Independence Day This Year(Opens in a new browser tab)

My Stories on Medium: Poetry, Writing and Freelancing(Opens in a new browser tab)

Life During COVID-19 (6/6/2020): George Floyd Protests and My White Woman Privilege(Opens in a new browser tab)