My First Novel: Hitting the Wall (5/2/19)

I’ve been in denial for a while now but I admit it, I’ve hit a wall. For the last month or so I have barely worked on my novel. Opening the googledoc and looking at a chapter, fiddling with the dialogue in another chapter, I always end up ignoring my book after about fifteen minutes. At the beginning of this year, I would spend hours a day and sometimes a whole day working on my book. Pumping out chapters or reworking them at break-neck speed, trying to get everything down on the page as fast as possible.

But I’ve felt stuck for a while, distracted by everything else going on in my life. I think I’m also distracting myself, starting and finishing new books while I have a whole pile that I’ve been meaning to finish for a couple months now. How does it feel to hit a wall? Like I can’t get anything done and the world is leaving me behind. I just can’t get back on the fast track to finishing my book right now.

There is also an overwhelming feeling of pressure whenever I think about my book. I know I need to work on the ending and solidify each chapter, rework dialogue here and there and round out my characters but I am worried about what comes after. Will I ever have a final product? Is it even worth my time to look for a publisher or should I think about self-publishing through kindle? I think I’m getting too caught up in my doubts.

I feel like I need a reset to clear my mind and get back to it.

My distractions:

Joan Didion’s Play It As It Lays

 like my Patti Smith bender, I think I’m gonna dive deep into Didion to keep my mind fresh

Listening to:

good music is always required 

Overall, I already know what I need to do, just write. I’m sticking to my daily writing schedule and for last month wrote over 31,000 words. My daily writing consists of writing 1,000 words minimum a day, doesn’t matter what I’m writing, poetry, fiction, non-fiction as long as it is writing. I try not to make my daily writing into journal entries if I am lacking a focus and this is one of the hardest things to do. I know that as long as I stick with my daily writing, I can eventually get back into the groove of working on my novel.

To all my followers/readers and you, thanks for sticking with me,

-Alina

INSTAGRAM

The Sun is Out(poem #392)

The sun is out and it is annoying. There are too many words here and too many lies

in the broken speeches of the night. There are too many dreams lying

in the dark eyes of the morning sun. What do I dream of in the closed night

in the broken dreams? The sky in the night of the dead, holding down

the shapes of the water.


 

Thank you for reading!

-Alina

INSTAGRAM