NaNoWriMo2022 is over this year! But not for me. I’m still going, and I hit over 30k words this week. The pressure has dissipated, and I’ll work at my own pace. I want to take my time with this novel, and there are a few plot points I’m still dissecting.
What else have I been up to? Reading and then reading some more…
I finished Book #3, A Court of Wings and Ruin of Sarah J. Maas’s series A Court of Thorns and Roses. Again, the fantastical all-powerful flying Fae are sometimes hard to grasp. There are moments where cheesy dialogue and scenes ooze with over-the-top romantic idealization to the point where the series could be immolating itself. I like this series because it’s one of the things I read in my downtime, like watching junk TV or indulging in a Bachelorette episode for laughs.
And I also started Book #2 of The Scholomance series by Naomi Novik. I’m not entirely sure why I’m doing this to myself again (another odd bit is that one of my favorite authors, Holly Black, wrote a short recommendation on the back of this book, which is perplexing).
Yes, I complained about Book #1 of The Scholomance series a lot in my Goodreads review. Honestly, my distaste for it inspired me to keep reading. There may be some sick version of myself who wants to see it improve or at least some radical character development and plot twists. Still, just like Maas’s books, I’m reading this like I’d watch some mind-numbing TV, but the difference is I actually like Maas’s series.
What am I listening to? Spotify’s “Early Alternative” playlist.
What else am I doing? I’m working on a few social media templates for my Etsy shop, The Happy Poet Studio. I also plan on going out in the city to get more shots for my IG @alinahappyhansen.
While all this is happening, I’m working and scribbling down a few words to count toward my daily goal of 3k words (unrelated to my novel writing).
My plans for week six? I want to write 5k words and wrap up the story’s climax. Did you participate in NaNoWriMo? How’d it go? Leave a comment below or HMU on nanowrimo.org; my username is alinahappyhansen ?
There’s been too much going on, from the war in Ukraine to the January 6th Attack Public Hearings, the continual mass shootings, and Roe v. Wade being overturned. I’ve been walking between two worlds of observations; looking at it all play out during moments of accidental disassociation. A writer left with her thoughts and words simmering in the dark violence that thrives.
I need some tea, I need some time, I need silence.
I haven’t written anything for this blog section since April because I’ve been working through everything that’s going on and making some life changes. But I think many of us are.
COVID-19 is still around, and inflation is now the highest it’s ever been in over four decades. And it doesn’t seem to be letting up. What’s next?
Recently, I recognized that what I’ve been feeling is similar to my state of being in March 2020. I’m watching sand castles get obliterated by a raging storm. And there’s this constant feeling of something preternatural churning below the surface around us.
During long, drawn-out days, it all reverberates through me. The whole world seems to be shattering, and I’m overwhelmed by all the battles. My emotions take the wheel, and I’m a wreck of worry, wondering what’s going to happen.
A Writer Slowing Down: Centering Myself and Quitting My Job
I’ve taken time to slow down and reassess what’s important and what needs to change in my life. This past month, I quit my job and pivoted to part-time ones in different fields.
I am working a couple of freelancing gigs; for one, I’m a freelance writer for a company where I craft SEO blog content for B2B and B2C companies. For the other, I’m doing more and more freelance work via Fiverr, and the uptick in orders has been wild. On top of that, I’m prepping for a part-time assistant role to get me out of the apartment and into the city more.
I realize I’ve been letting stress get the better of me for a few months now, and I can’t afford to let it continue. There’s no point in letting what you can’t control take control of you. But I constantly struggle with this.
All I have are my words and books to get me through this. And at the end of the day, I have to keep writing.
Read My Latest Post About Poetry: How to Come Up With Ideas for Poems in 3 Easy Ways
A gestation period of some sort. I recognize what this country is going through and what’s happening elsewhere; we are living in an era that won’t be forgotten, and it may be years until there is any kind of “peace.”
Some days, I need to word vomit about it until there’s nothing left. But, the trauma of the last two years has compounded with recent events leaving me hollowed out. So I have to cope.
I’ve been pouring over books, freewriting, and just getting lost trying to keep my mind busy. I can’t ignore what’s happening or how it affects me and everyone else; that’s impossible. But, I need small moments of nothingness, of “wasted time,” to reset my mind.
Staying Sane: Reading Poetry and Listening to Music
When times get tough, I only know how to keep it together by doing what I’ve always done: reading, writing, and learning. So here’s what I’ve been absorbing lately.
I’m reading Fog and Light: San Francisco through the Eyes of the Poets Who Live Here. And I’ve already begun putting together my SF July 2022 Spotify playlist.
At the beginning of the month, I finished Two Lives: Gertrude and Alice by Janet Malcolm and wrote a short review on Goodreads. I’m still unsure if I really liked the book or if my skepticism of the couple, specifically Gertrude’s character, was being projected on the book.
These are all fine things, good things I’ve done to keep my mind busy. But there’s no denying that what’s been happening is affecting me.
I’ve been worried about Roe v. Wade being overturned since Trump got into office. And when it finally happened, a numbness swept over me mixed with boiling rage.
With what’s going on, I am lucky I live in California, but I’m devastated. I can’t stop thinking about all the people whose human rights have been stripped across the country. And this is just the beginning.
Now it’s a countdown until they come after everyone who’s fought to have their voice heard, to be recognized and respected by society. If we don’t stand up for fundamental human rights, the boot will continue to smash us deeper into the ground and closer to hell.
In this society, I’m considered less than a human being but just a tool to be used by those in power. But this isn’t new, this has always been happening, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to see my rights gradually be stripped away during my life just because I’m a woman.
Joan Didion has been on my mind. Her work in the 60s was revolutionary. Her journalism, style, and voice are still strong, and I keep looking back because now the past feels like it’s come back from the dead. How can I balance writing and having something to say while dealing with the absolute turmoil of what’s going on?
It sucks.
And there’s nothing left to do but to go on. To keep going and see it all through. What I’m writing may warble and show signs of my emotional wear, but it’s the best I can do.
A few days after my last post I had a breakthrough. I was working on my daily writing one morning and finally got up enough courage to look over the rough draft of my book I’ve been working on. I ended up editing and rewriting a few pages and before I knew it I had worked my way all the way to Part 3 of my book. I was surprised, after more than a month of struggling I had just slipped back into working on my book. After a couple more days I finished my third rough draft of my book at a local coffee shop. The final chapters still need quite a bit of work and I need to solidify a final ending but the climax action scenes (the most important stuff) is all done.
I am so relieved that I was finally able to break through my wall, whatever it was. The expectations, the stress, the pain of doubting myself and my work. I know there is still more work to be done and I’m barely even close to having a finished manuscript but the progress I’ve made this last week pushes me to continue.
What else have I been up to?
I’m currently reading Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin, I forgot that I have read this book before and I get a sneaky feeling it might’ve been last year. I love the way this story is written and Levin’s style is something that I respond to, how he synthesizes facts and real-world events with the otherworldly and supernatural. By grounding his horrifying story with descriptions pulled from the real-world, he creates a foundation in which I can easily find myself falling for the trick of ‘is this possible?’ (of course not).
I”m also reading, Leonard Cohen’s Beautiful Losers. This work feels like a surreal dreamscape interwoven with sex. It is compelling, funny, and a little disorienting but I like Cohen’s writing. His style is different, free-flowing and almost scattered but when I take a closer look, I think it only feels ‘scattered’ because Cohen wants me to think it is.
What I’m listening to:
Thank you for reading and following me on my journey,
Today is Valentines Day. I have plans tonight with my partner but for now, I am reading and reading and reading. It is my third week on a break from working on my novel. I’ve been enjoying this time, running errands, cleaning and even baking. But now I am starting to feel that I need to get back to work.
I want to wait out the rest of the week and maybe start next week by reading through my second draft again. I’ve done a good job of ignoring my draft and printed manuscript this entire time, trying to put some space between me and my work. I need fresh eyes the next time I read my draft. I’ve been trying not to think about my characters too much and I think it’s been a healthy break. During the last few months, my obsession with writing my novel and working on my characters was taking over my life. I was thinking about my characters all the time, jotting down notes and backstories, analyzing them and trying to shape them into real people. But until I get back into my obsession, I’ll take advantage of this time by reading.
Here is my Goodreads list of what I am currently reading,
Every month I make a playlist on Spotify filled with songs I just discovered, I love, I can’t get out of my head but ultimately the songs that reflect my mood during the month. This is the first time I’ll be making a massive post on my blog featuring my monthly playlists of 2018. For some months I became really obsessive over my music, Discover Weekly playlist and I found a lot of great new music so there are “prt.2’s” for a few months in 2018.
The Spotify widgets just feature snippets, if you want to listen to my playlists in full click on the Spotify link to the playlists page.
January 2018: The beginning of my last semester of college
February 2018: just dawned on me it is my last semester, bizarre
March 2018: so close to graduation, don’t know what to do with myself
April 2018: finals, finals, finals
May 2018: Graduated finally, got my BA in English and feeling lucky, turned 25 and feeling useless
June 2018: Job hunting and not enjoying the weather, too hot, Poetry Reading at the Utah Arts Festival
July 2018: A month of sweating, scorching heat and irritation
August 2018: more irritation…the job market is looking daunting
September 2018: Hard at work looking for writing jobs and working on my blog, began crocheting a giant blanket…I still haven’t finished.
October 2018: Crazy about Halloween, spent the entire month watching horror films, reading scary stories and obsessing over Elvira. Created a Patreon page.
November 2018: Spent the entire month of November participating in NaNoWriMo
December 2018: Kind of in a daze, obsessed with my book and trying to work on draft #2 so far only half way through.
Thanks for poking around and taking a look at my music selection. I hope you find something new maybe even something you like.
