Golden eyes look downwards into the sun
from space above. There are no angels here
only particles and blackholes. Blue marble, Earth,
spins on, and the gold suns, eyes, burn long
after the world dies.
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Tag: poet
Lack of Motivation, R.I.P. John Lewis and BLM
Life During COVID-19 Series July 22nd, 2020
DISCLAIMER: This blog post is a reflection of personal experiences and opinions. My blog is personal, so is my writing, my poetry, all of it. I’ll cut to the chase to save you some time. I support BLM, and I wear a mask. I’ll state that now, since it seems like everyone only cares about knowing what side you’re on?
Motivation? Where?
I feel like a train slowing down on the tracks, out of steam, out of energy. Tired. For the past week, I’ve been asking myself, “Where’s my motivation?”
R.I.P. John Lewis
Reading about John Lewis has been inspiring. His death has reverberated through the country, and he will be sorely missed. Losing Lewis now during the movement is a blow, but his work, his life continues to influence many. Myself included. Rest in peace John Lewis.
I wrote a poem inspired by John Lewis It is Time to Get in Good Trouble
How can John Lewis be an inspiration for me? A white woman?
The fight for racial justice lasts a life-time and every day I must make progress by setting an example for others through my speech and actions.
What I’m watching
Watchmen (TV Mini-Series 2019)
I just started watching this a couple of days ago. Amazing. I’m a huge fan of the Watchmen comic, it played an important part of my teen years, and the movie that came out (over a decade ago now?!) was pretty cool. I highly recommend this series if you’re in the mood for something serious and dark. It’s relevant to present times.
Sick of being inside, but I’m staying indoors.
Four months I’ve been inside, staying home, rarely going out. And when I leave the apartment, I’m only going to places I have to go to: the store, post office, and gas station. And the occasional social distancing visit with a family member. In total, I’ve probably been out maybe fifteen times.
Whenever I go to a public place, I wear my mask. It’s just common courtesy, but I guess it’s too much of an inconvenience to save lives for some people?
Guess what there’s a great little group of anti-maskers in Utah calling themselves “Defending Utah” that have been flash mobbing retail stores—protesting by swarming places, putting Utahns at risk, and putting their own lives at risk.
I did a bit of research, and it turns out that there were also anti-maskers during the 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic. Big surprise.
Back to my loss of motivation
I’m worn out. It seems to me that every single thing is being politicized. Every action taken is scrutinized with social media as the tool. I’m not saying I’m innocent, and I haven’t been doing this, I have, but even I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of people starting up arguments. It’s a waste of time because they’re not interested in having a conversation; they only want to yell their opinions. I am not interested in seeking out people that I disagree with and attacking them with belittling comments and derogatory remarks that are not my style.
I love to have conversations with people. I don’t care if you believe in god or not. I don’t care if you call yourself a republican or democrat, I am open to talking with anyone. The country is divided (always has been) it’s disheartening to see the division grow.
Of course, there will probably be some troll out there that will take that as an invitation to start attacking via “let’s have a conversation.”
What I’m not open to is opening up a conversation with someone only interested in tooting their own horn and proceeding to attack me and my beliefs.
Everyone is so busy fighting with each other, we’re getting distracted. People are questioning everyone’s motives; people are questioning scientific studies and facts. People are skewing the truth to fit their narrative (they’re not protestors, they are anarchists).
This will go on for the rest of the year, possibly next year too, but that’s just my opinion. I think it’s very likely things are not going to “die down.” The tension is only going to get worse the closer we get to the Election.
What I’ve been up to
I’m focusing on remote work, freelancing, and writing. But lately, I feel burnt out, exhausted, and struggling to keep my motivation up. I want to help, do my part, and show my support for Black Lives Matter.
Does that mean being a full-time social media BLM protestor? Sharing news and events, signing petitions, and making donations with whatever extra money I have? Yes.
To combat feeling burned out, I have been cutting down how many hours I work each day (usually around nine or ten). I also take micro-breaks from social media, turning off my notifications for twenty-four to forty-eight hours and focus on something else.
What perplexes me
Why are people questioning science? Doctors? Health officials with background and experience in their respective fields? Why are people ready to fight against wearing a mask?
Where the hell did the rumor that masks are harmful to wear come from?
The first I heard of it was last Monday when I watched Governor Herbert’s COVID Briefing LIVE on K.S.L.
Bizarre.
What’s even crazier to me, reading in The Salt Lake Tribune that Cache County has asked it’s residents to have a “day of prayer“? This state is bizarre. I’ve said it before for years and years now, and I’ll repeat it IN UTAH THERE IS NO SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. Don’t get me started on Utah County, and I don’t want to get into that today.
Staying Positive
The movement is still going.
But I admit it’s hard to stay positive when…
…I read about Portland protestors being assaulted and detained by unidentifiable (no badge, no I.D. number) Feds.
…I read Trump’s Remarks on Phase Four Negotiations, and he equates protestors with anarchists and says he’s going to deploy Feds to cities “run by liberal Democrats.“
…My Property Manager tells me I have to take down my BLM sign in my window because one of their properties had a window smashed displaying a sign. Interpret that however you like.
What keeps me going?
Despite my lack of motivation, I am inspired now more than ever to take action and donate more, sign more petitions, and do my tiny part in keeping the movement going.
Last week I made two donations. The first to @localpropagandists, a group run by Taylar Jackson that makes signs for protestors the old school way, screenprinting. $50 equates to 500 signs.
I also made a donation to Justice for Bernardo. The outcome of the trial regarding Bernardo Palacios-Carbajal’s death is another blow and to some a perfect example of police in Utah getting away with murder.
I’ve made more donations besides these including Black Lives Matter organizations, George Floyd’s family, and others, but I can do more. I can be better and do better.
I’ll end with this; I hope you are doing well. I hope you are safe and healthy.
Stay strong,
Alina
Liked this post? Check out these:
Life During COVID-19: Reflecting on the Murder of Robert Fuller, Trump and a Personal Update
Life During COVID-19 Personal Update: March 28th, 2020
My Stories on Medium: Poetry, Writing and Freelancing
I’m writing on Medium now. Why not? I’ll give it a shot.
Here are friend links to my Medium stories, check them out!
(with a friend link you have access to my story that is behind Medium’s paywall)
How I Made Over $450 in Two Weeks Freelancing on Fiverr
3 Reasons Why I Struggle To Write Poetry Now
Why I Think Everyone Should be an Avid Reader
What To Do When You Suck at Revising Your Novel
These are my latest four stories. Check out my Medium profile here.
What is coming:
- Another “Life During COVID” blog post this week
- Podcast sesh #3 (by next week)
- Poems (I will start to post poems again. I haven’t since March)
Become a subscriber and receive one of my poems in your inbox every Monday plus exclusive updates and links to my latest Medium stories!
Thank you so much for reading, subscribing, and following.
Stay safe and stay healthy!
Cheers,
Alina
Become a Subscriber! Get notified when new posts are published plus once a week I will send content just for you: poem, personal update, reading list, writing tips and more!
Alina on Patreon: Debut Poetry Reading and Writing Discussion Podcast
Originally published on my Patreon page (Public-Access) on May 28 at 1:43pm
Debut Poetry Reading and Discussion 5/28/2020
Downloadable Link of Audio: Debut Poetry Reading and Discussion May 28, 2020.m4a
This is a taste for what’s in store for my future Patrons!
In this Reading/Discussion:
- I read poems from my Poetry Reading set list at Central Book Exchange on September 27th, 2019.
- I talk about how I write my poems: revision techniques, poems that are really poetic prose, or the beginnings of creative non-fiction personal essays.
- I talk about the Utah Arts Festival, my poetry reading as a Literary Artist this year was postponed due to the spread of COVID-19 until 2021.
Link to my Poetry Reading at the Utah Arts Festival June 2018: alinahappyhansenwriter.com
Link to CBE Poetry Reading: Patrons-Only Post or Blog Post Public-Access
I’d like to thank Central Book Exchange again for hosting this event and allowing me to read my poetry, Thank you so much! I hope you are all doing well and staying safe! I miss coming in and browsing for Poetry.
Poems I read from the set list:
Poem: blue jays flinting
blue jays flinting from tree to tree
Electric blue feathers, screeching at dusk and sunrise
everything’s dying, everything’s dead.
OREGON COAST 2019
California Turkey Vultures
Kings
Chinooks
Hatchery
Fin-clipped
12lb braid, Mitchelle reel
The hundreds of white-ghost bodies of half-dead jellyfish
Floating, drifting through the cold pacific water
The rush of waves against the beach, upturning broken shells,
The cream crest of the waves, folding over, clashing with each other
A discarded empty beer bottle nestled in the exposed roots of a tree
Lonely elders, spilling their lives, when provoked, to any stranger.
Anyone who shows an interest.
The slick black body of the eel that swam to shore, weaving in and out of the floating seaweed
Disappearing under the massive stone I stood on
My hands wet from pulling off seaweed tangled on the hook of my lure
The azure water changing color with the currents, low-tide-high-tide-my-tide
The gray-black ball of baitfish swimming near the surface of the water, ripples when they jump and swim close to the surface, chased below
Poem: Teeth To Ear (originally published on alinahappyhansenwriter.com)
Teeth to ear
words open and close
lips move, no sound
a gasp, escaped sentences
jump from teeth to ear
wide eyes to fists hitting flesh.
Wreck and Passenger
Nestled on a riverside
a minutes drive from the ocean
a sailboat heavy with age and time Erodes
sailless mast, a ribcage
day-in-day-out
I am passenger
in my dad’s vehicle
we are fishermen and campers, here, in this minuscule town on the Oregon coast
his vehicle purrs, its roundish body coffin-like, bubble windows close me up
in his submarine machine
we drive over the bridge
a slight incline
to decline
day-in-day-out
we drive back and forth
over the bridge
into town for McDonalds hamburgers, for lures, for breaks between fishing
I look at the sailboat wondering if it is an abandoned dream or once a living token of memories
I am passenger
the day we drive over
the bridge
(into or out of
town I cannot
remember)
my Dad booms-arm-out-finger-pointing
“Look! The sailboat sunk!”
and I look and
the sailboat
is sunk
into
the river, the mast at an angle, an arrow
pointing
down
from
the
sky
Dad talks, says, it’s unusual, “boats don’t just sink—someone got pissed off,” and
that makes sense but doesn’t
it also makes sense
that the water ate up the boat, or tried to, stuck in its throat
I am a passenger
and we drive over the bridge
day-in-day-out
my eyes linger on the boat’s crippled body, until
one day, we see ropes attached to mast-and-bone-and-wood,
a spider’s tight gossamer, webbed, and pulling
dragging the wreckage of this maybe-dream-maybe-token-of-memories
up out of the waters throat
I am passenger
in my father’s land-submarine dispirited for the resurrection of this wreck
a watery grave, even partial is better than crucifixion by time, a wooden corpse forced to rot
in view of all passerbys and passengers.
Thank you all for reading and listening to my words, my poems, it means everything to me. I deeply appreciate your time and consideration.
Stay safe and stay healthy!
Xoxo,
Alina
Want to become one of my Patrons? Go to my page here and join a tier. All patrons regardless of Tier have access to all of my patron-only content right now! Tiers start at $3/month!
Become a Subscriber! Get notified when new posts are published plus once a week I will send content just for you: poem, personal update, reading list, writing tips and more!
Life During COVID-19 (5/13/2020): Freelancing, Patreon and New Toys
What a crazy week! I am spinning from how much has happened.
This will be a short and sweet post because I am swamped with stuff I need to get done.
Freelancing on fiverr.com
Yesterday, I completed my first ever Fiverr gig. It was a fun experience, and the buyer that I worked with amazing. Check out my services on fiverr.com, I offer Beta Reading, Blog/Article Writing, and Critiquing Creative Writing.
After a week-long break, I am back to work for my internship. I am excited to read new submissions and gain more experience. This internship has been incredibly fun so far, and I think this is because it is a professional and well-organized internship. So much better than my last internship!
Freelancing for Friends
Yesterday, I was called by one of my close friends and asked to help them edit and format their short stories. I am excited to be doing this extra freelance work on the side. I never thought people I know would be reaching out to me for my help on things I love to do!
More Freelancing…
Currently, I am reaching out to numerous online magazines and journals, pitching them stories. Hopefully, I will catch a Freelance assignment soon and make some more extra cash.
Free Online Classes
Right now I am taking free online courses through edx.org
I am enrolled in the following courses
- Writing for Social Media
- Intro to Music Theory
- Ancient Masterpieces of World Literature
- The Icelandic Sagas
And I have already enrolled in English Grammar & Style that starts on July 26th. I think this course will help me hone my editing and writing skills.
I am updating my Patreon page. I haven’t worked on it since last Spring, and it has been severely neglected. It’s been on my mind lately, and I’ve been thinking about how I could utilize my Patreon page and provide more of an intimate “behind-the-scenes” access to my personal writing life to my blog and social media followers. Here is what I am putting together:
For PATRON-ONLY Access (Monthly Subscribers)
- Scanned copies of my handwritten poems (not published anywhere else online)
- Scanned copies of my daily writing notes (not published anywhere else online)
- Exclusive videos available to PATRONS-ONLY featuring me reading some of my poetry and writing
- Podcast-like updates about what is going on in my life related explicitly to pursuing my writing career, working on my novel, submitting poems to literary journals, and what I am currently reading
Starting today, I will be offering “Handwritten Thank You Card + Poem” to all Patrons; this unique offer is scheduled to end on 06/30/2020 at 12:00 p.m.
These handwritten Thank You Cards with be accompanied by one of my handwritten poems, unique and never published. Thank you, cards, and poetry will be mailed to Patrons directly via snail mail.
I will be updating posts and content on my Patreon page for the next week, and I will be posting new PATRON-ONLY content starting Friday.
New Toys!
My bf got me a Rocketbook for my birthday and decided to give it to me early. It is so cool. What it is is a reusable notebook that you use to write and scan pages directly to your email and/or Google Drive cloud. This is a fantastic tool, and I will be using it all the time. It will be my tool of choice for posting PATRON-ONLY handwritten poems, notes, and writing to my Patreon page.
New Kindle! For the first time since I was laid off back in March because of COVID-19, I have bought something I don’t need a new kindle! It is beautiful, waterproof, and I love it.
Job Search & Interviews
Lately, I have been burning out. In the last three days, I have applied to an average of eight jobs every day. It has been exhausting, and I feel like my brain is fried. I am trying to not stress out, but with June fast approaching, I am worried I won’t be able to find full-time work before the CARES ACT unemployment runs out (end of July). But I am staying positive, I have been able to save money, pay off debt, and pay my rent and bills.
This week I had an excellent interview for an Editor Position at a local business. Fingers crossed I make it to the next round of interviews. This position is part-time and would be perfect for my schedule. I also have a video interview through HireVue that I have to complete, it is for a Copywriter position, so I hope that that one goes well.
Overall
It has been a great week, and my days are packed. From 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. I am working in my office at home getting as much done as I can until dinner time.
Thank you for reading about my personal life during these strange days. What I think is bizarre right now is how it is beginning to feel normal staying home all of the time because of COVID-19. This new normal is unsettling to me and my bf, but I can’t help feeling that this will be the new normal for the rest of the year. Staying home, working from home, being…home.
Stay safe and stay healthy!
-Alina
Want to become one of my Patrons? Go to my page here and join a tier. All patrons regardless of Tier have access to all of my patron-only content right now! Tiers start at $3/month!
Subscribe! Get notified when new posts are published plus once a week I will send content just for you: poem, personal update, reading list, writing tips and more!
Why I’m Not Celebrating Independence Day This Year(Opens in a new browser tab)
My Stories on Medium: Poetry, Writing and Freelancing(Opens in a new browser tab)