I haven’t been posting as many reflections on Life During COVID-19, politics, things happening, and adjusting to living in SF. I’ve been caught up in catching up. Between work, writing, and numerous trips back and forth between California and Utah, I feel like I haven’t had the time to sit, reflect, and write. So this post is a little warbly, moving all over the place as I start to get back on track.
Feeling Fall in SF
Subtly, the turn happens, and I can feel it in the air. It’s October, and fall is here. My boyfriend told me when he lived in SF all those years ago; he could never precisely remember what time of year it was when he recalled events because there aren’t drastic visible changes that mark the turning of seasons, at least not like in Utah.
But I’ve noticed, the few trees in the city, they look different. The heavy salty scent of water in the air is different even when mixed with the aromas of piss, shit, and trash. The change is abstruse, but I can see it. There is a Fall in SF, and I am enjoying its peculiar attributes.
The Roaring Blue Angels
I am munching on toasted honey wheat slices smeared with artichoke antipasto. I’ve drunk my coffee, and I’m trying to ignore the roaring Blue Angels as they sweep over the city, reminding me of the stories of Nazis dropping bombs on London during WWII. I’ve had a fear of planes flying low, the sound, the unknown, waiting to hear something more. Explosions and screams. I think this came from watching the Twin Towers fall into rubble on TV when I was a kid. Being told it was real, it’s not a movie; people are dead—murdered. It’s stuck with me.
Something that’s lived in the back of my mind, that death can strike like lightning, taking us out in an instant. I can’t take a moment for granted since then. Constantly aware that one moment leads into another, and then suddenly, it could abruptly end.
These feelings are so closely linked with the seasons changing into fall, my favorite time of year, when decay is beautiful, and a primordial power surges like rushing waves over every single thing.
A Month of Halloween Vibes
Halloween is approaching, but the month of October feels like a month-long celebration. It oozes from every fluctuation in the air, a magnetism that whips out from some other world. Could this possibly be the veil thinning that I’ve read so much about?
This year is different. I’m living in SF. The pandemic is ongoing, now over 700,000 dead, and I feel like the country continues to suffer from whiplash. Trump, politics, murder, the government continuing to neglect the people.
It’s like blood in the mouth, the taste of it hard to swallow, so it just pours over lips and drips to the ground, staining that spot indefinitely. The traumas, the life-changing events they’ve marked me, stained me in ways I’m not sure I can figure out right now.
Creeping and Living in SF
I’m listening to Thom York’s Creep (Very 2021 Remix). The rhythm has been slowed down to a bone-aching pulse. The eight-minute remix somehow sounds like a brand new song, but it’s so familiar. And yes, it feels like 2021; the stagnation, the PTSD, the hollowness of it all. And somehow, it all mingles with my first experience of fall in SF and, soon, Halloween.
I love this city. I thought maybe this would be an excellent place to rest for a few years before moving up the coast. But now I’m sure that this is a permanent home. Where else can I blend in so seamlessly? Where else can I experience so much culture and diversity within forty-seven square miles? SF has history, it’s alive, and underneath it all, there is something adoringly spooky about it that I can’t help but revel in.
An End to a Prelude
So, consider this short blog post a prelude to what I’m thinking will be a much longer piece focusing on the pandemic. I’m getting back into gear, and I will be posting more poems and prepping for NaNoWriMo 2021.
Until then: I have a few questions for readers.
If you live in SF, do you notice a change in the seasons? What do you think of the Blue Angels? Are there any spooky stories about SF that you’d like to share?
Leave a comment, start a conversation, or ask me a question below.
We’re not even out of March, and there have been two mass shootings in the U.S. Places are opening up around the country, and it seems like that is an OK go signal for white domestic terrorists to start their killing sprees.
I’m so sick of the murder and death. Where are the consequences? Where is the action? How long does this country have to suffer from this infectious disease of hate?
It’s not enough to wait for someone with the power to take action. We have to speak up against these killings, these acts of terrorism in our country. If we can come together and put our lawmakers on the spot, we can make change happen. We need those in power to do what is right; we need more restrictions. We need to make our country a safe place for everyone.
These mass shootings take place in establishments people frequent every day. Our schools, our businesses, places we come together as a community. White domestic terrorists are killing us, and we need to act now to save lives.
I’m so disillusioned by this country. It’s no longer bittersweet, there is blood everywhere, and the majority of people still don’t seem to care.
Trump’s own corruption shed light on the rotten mess hidden in plain sight, a plague of crooks and thieves that abuse their power for their own gains as people die.
I’m not proud to be an American until there is accountability for the actions of murderers, white domestic terrorists, and every single crook in office. GOP, I’m looking at you.
Do we have the guts to ban assault rifles? Do we have the guts to enact strict gun control laws? Is this the year where we start to make the necessary changes to save lives?
My heart goes out to those family and friends who have lost someone in the mass shootings. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through. The shock, the anger, and the despair. One morning your family is whole by the end of the day it’s in pieces.
I stand in solidarity with our Asian-American and Pacific Islander communities. Since the start of the pandemic, hate crimes toward our most vulnerable communities have become more and more common, but they have always been happening. These hateful actions are unacceptable and should not be tolerated.
Words are powerful. Rhetoric can be weaponized to incite hate and even murder. Trump’s racist rhetoric, and constant finger-pointing on “who’s to blame for COVID-19” spurred a rise in hate crimes. We are still suffering from the damage that racist has done to our country. He should be rotting in jail for what he’s done to all of us.
How can we come together and take a stand? How can we unit and communicate with our lawmakers, with our President, to demand change? Is this going to be another summer of protests? Are we going to have to show the country what needs to be done by pounding pavement day after day? If that’s what it takes, then let’s go.
One year ago, on March 16th, I wrote my first “Coronavirus” blog post. Rereading it today, it is still wild to think how crazy last March was. This past year has been tumultuous worldwide, in the U.S., and in Salt Lake City. 2020 will be a year I’ll never forget, and it has shaped my life in ways I could never have thought possible.
Flashback to March 16th, 2020
I remember work being slow for a few weeks leading up to when we closed. I remember being tight on money since me and my boyfriend had just moved into a new apartment on March 1st. I was okay with being sent home; I could organize our new place and make money later. Then, the news began to spread Coronavirus was in the States, then suddenly someone had it in Utah, then I was being told everyone was going to be laid off in a matter of days.
On March 18th, a 5.7 earthquake struck Magna, Utah, less than 15 miles away from Salt Lake City. It shook our entire (and already crooked) 104-year-old apartment multiple times. Even weeks after, slight tremors and more minor earthquakes rippled through the valley, shaking our place and our lives. All I remember thinking with every additional quake was, “The building could collapse, and we’re going to be homeless.” Thankfully our place is still standing, although slightly more crooked than before. But I have never been more stressed out in my entire life than in March 2020, and it didn’t stop there.
Looking back on all of it, we are fortunate. During this last year, I had to cash out my retirement savings to get by and apply for unemployment. I wrote Poetry for $, creating little art/poem pieces for friends and family.
Without that money, we would’ve had to move out and figure out where to go. There was no way we could have survived on just my boyfriend’s income.
Every day I spent a minimum of eight hours applying to online jobs and searching for any way to make money. I was scrambling to find something to hold onto while working through the bizarre new reality we are living.
This is stuff out of a sci-fi novel; this is a dystopian futuristic story plot like no other. The events of last year felt like something right out of a South Park episode.
It didn’t help that we had Trump in office, that for months he downplayed COVID-19 and then dismantled resources to combat it. He spouted hateful rhetoric when the Black Lives Matter protests spread across the nation after the murder of George Floyd in May. Trump made it clear, to him and his followers, it became us vs. them, White vs. Black, rich vs. poor.
Over and over again, Trump poured fuel on the fire, working hard to divide the country. Then after the 2020 election results came in, it was all lies and accusations. Everyone besides Trump was lying about everything that negatively affected him and his presidency.
All of it came to a climax when domestic terrorists comprised of Trump fanatics, QAnon conspiracy theorists, and white supremacists descended on the Capitol on January 6th, 2021.
The aftermath resulted in five people dead and hundreds arrested by the FBI. A national search continues for the remaining extremists that stormed the Capitol, planted explosives, defiled, and mocked our country.
I’m not quick to forget events like these. We were so close to losing it all, and many more could have died, throwing our entire nation into further chaos.
The future of the U.S. is uncertain, and I still feel it is ready to collapse at any moment without the proper action. I have only hope for the future, but I am cautious about fully trusting Biden and Harris. I hope they can help unite the country, remain active, and fight for everyone’s future in the U.S.
I’ve been impressed with the Biden administration’s action in combating the pandemic, hatred, and inequality both socially and economically in the nation. But they can’t go soft or let up for just a minute. It could all go to waste since the GOP is in chaos but vehemently against any new administration’s efforts to level the playing field for all Americans.
Republicans everywhere are working to pass stricter bills on voting. With every step forward, they keep trying to send us decades back into the past.
We can’t go back. We can only move forward, which means working for a future that benefits ALL, not just a selected few.
In May 2020, I applied to a remote Literary Internship for a private publishing house, and I got it! Since then, I learned how to expertly read slush piles, review galley edits, and hone my growing skills as a Developmental Editor. I work with authors and polish manuscripts at almost every stage, getting them ready for publication. I love this internship and have learned so much during all these months. The experience that I’ve gained from this internship is invaluable, and I know it will help my career.
The skills that I utilize in my Literary Internship inspired me to become a freelance Beta Reader on Fiverr. I know what my time is worth, and I work hard. I made some decent side money last year helping fellow writers hone their pieces.
Now I am more prone to thinking outside of the box when it comes to making money. I ask myself, what are some unique skills that I can utilize to help people? and more importantly, what is my time and my knowledge worth? I value my skills and time more than ever now, and I know that it’s wise to ask for decent compensation because my work is worth it.
Last summer, I did the unthinkable. After months and months of applying to remote jobs, I did it! I was hired as a Writer/Analyst by a startup company based in New York City that provides real-time reports on crime, police activity, fires, and events that affect public safety. This job is incredible, and I love the work that I do.
For the first time my B.A. English was necessary on an application. My writing and my passion for keeping people informed and safe were valued. Now I am doing something I love, and it’s incredible. It was a huge relief after I spent hundreds of hours searching for work and eventually applying to over 450 jobs.
I am more driven than ever to write as much as possible. Besides surviving last year, working full-time, plus a part-time internship, and freelancing, I am still working on my Novel, poetry, and applying to literary journals and readings.
There is never enough time, so I feel like I have to make every second count and continue to work on my goals.
Since the pandemic, I learned how to stock up on food and plan for the future. I am now used to buying one extra whenever I go to the store and rationing. I’m all about good deals, so I diligently use coupons and cashback options whenever they’re applicable. I am also looking down the road 5-10 years to make sure I never find myself in such a hand-tied situation like I was last March.
We’re moving out of the state next Spring. We’re very excited, and it’s been a long time coming, but with my job and hard work, we’re finally able to make a significant step forward in our long-term plans of leaving Utah for good. We never wanted to live here for as long as we have, and I’ve been doing my best trying to move out of state since I was 18, so it seems fitting it’s all finally coming to fruition. For the first time, we have a solid plan with dates lined up and steps in place to get going.
After a year, so much has changed. My outlook on life (very positive), my goals (to make the world safer for everyone), my career (using my writing to help people), and taking care of myself and my family. I look forward to the future and I am hopeful it will get better.
What’s Normal Now
Since last March, we’ve worn masks whenever we go outside our apartment. We’ve stayed home and hoped we wouldn’t lose anyone to COVID-19. I know a handful of people that have lost family members to the virus and I know more people who have gotten it. Wearing a mask is normal for us and we have a huge selection to choose from. It’s natural for us to always put one on when we leave home.
We’ve been very careful and will continue to social distance and wear masks until it’s officially deemed safe enough that we won’t have to. I’m hoping we’ll be able to get vaccinated soon but we’re in no rush, other people should get the shot before us, since we don’t have any underlying health conditions. I have my fingers crossed my family and friends survive this and we all make it out alive.
What’s happened in your life the past year? Have you lost someone to COVID-19? Were you laid off or looking for work? Are you still struggling to survive?
