I’ve been in denial for a while now but I admit it, I’ve hit a wall. For the last month or so I have barely worked on my novel. Opening the googledoc and looking at a chapter, fiddling with the dialogue in another chapter, I always end up ignoring my book after about fifteen minutes. At the beginning of this year, I would spend hours a day and sometimes a whole day working on my book. Pumping out chapters or reworking them at break-neck speed, trying to get everything down on the page as fast as possible.
But I’ve felt stuck for a while, distracted by everything else going on in my life. I think I’m also distracting myself, starting and finishing new books while I have a whole pile that I’ve been meaning to finish for a couple months now. How does it feel to hit a wall? Like I can’t get anything done and the world is leaving me behind. I just can’t get back on the fast track to finishing my book right now.
There is also an overwhelming feeling of pressure whenever I think about my book. I know I need to work on the ending and solidify each chapter, rework dialogue here and there and round out my characters but I am worried about what comes after. Will I ever have a final product? Is it even worth my time to look for a publisher or should I think about self-publishing through kindle? I think I’m getting too caught up in my doubts.
I feel like I need a reset to clear my mind and get back to it.
like my Patti Smith bender, I think I’m gonna dive deep into Didion to keep my mind fresh
Listening to:
good music is always required
Overall, I already know what I need to do, just write. I’m sticking to my daily writing schedule and for last month wrote over 31,000 words. My daily writing consists of writing 1,000 words minimum a day, doesn’t matter what I’m writing, poetry, fiction, non-fiction as long as it is writing. I try not to make my daily writing into journal entries if I am lacking a focus and this is one of the hardest things to do. I know that as long as I stick with my daily writing, I can eventually get back into the groove of working on my novel.
To all my followers/readers and you, thanks for sticking with me,
Yesterday, I finished editing the 2nd rough draft of my novel. I was elated but then immediately felt let down, in my mind I had finished writing the book again and was sad to see it end.
I still have some work to do before I order a printed manuscript. I have about a dozen pages that I have marked. These pages need work on dialogue, additional beats, expansion, and added details. I’m tempted on just ordering a manuscript today and working through it but I know what I need to do, it’s just hard.
What is also daunting is the fact that I’ve cut approximately 16,000 words from my first draft. My word count for the first draft was a little over 50,000 words. But after going through the draft and spending some time rereading chapters I cut, and cut, and cut.
The biggest cut that happened was the ending. At the time I was finishing the first draft, I was conflicted on who’s Point Of View (POV) I was going to use, so I wrote out about five different endings, all from the perspective of each character, the characters that mattered. I cut all the endings out and landed on a two-paragraph epilogue. The Epilogue doesn’t sit well with me because of the voice of the narrator and I’m debating on cutting that out as well and leaving the end of the book at the end of the chapter of Part Four. I’m just not entirely sure what to do about the ending.
I’ve read in many books on writing that working from the ending backward helps writers figure out what their story is really about. I know what mine is about but I am tempted to try this out, or at least on the next draft working backward, editing from the last chapter to the very first.
In summary, I am checking in and vomiting up my doubts and insecurities about my draft today. I have about four hours today to work on my novel and I will, I really will but with reluctance.
What I’m Listening to:
The inspirational playlist I’ve created for my novel GHOST IN THE WOODS
I’ve been working all weekend while trying to balance my time between work, my partner, and my novel. So far, I have found time before and after work, editing a chapter or two, or reshaping key dialogue parts. I feel like I’m making progress but sometimes I get overwhelmed with the work I still have to do.
I’m about two-thirds finished with the second draft but there are half a dozen chapters I need to expand on and the dialogue…so much dialogue I have to work on, the hardest part.
The most challenging obstacles I’ve been coming across the past week is weaving beats into my dialogues. Beats are pauses, like in music, between lines. For instance, having a character say,
“I want some milk,” she walked to the fridge, opening the door and grabbing the glass jug of milk on the second shelf [beat].
“Don’t drink all of it.” Her mother said.
The beat in this example separates “I want some milk.” and “Don’t drink all of it.” which would read completely different without it.
Example without the beat,
“I want some milk.” She said.
“Don’t drink all of it.” Her mother said.
I’ve been trying to use my beats appropriately, to add more to my scenes and hopefully show not tell what’s happening. Another big thing I’m working on, SHOWING NOT TELLING.
Even though the work is daunting, I’m not quitting. I like to have a challenge and I’m looking forward to finishing my second draft. When I finish my second draft I’m going to have it printed off into a manuscript to edit by hand, I did this with my first draft and it helped immensely. It’s an amazing feeling being able to hold my novel in my hands, sort of in book form and having a draft closer to the finished product is exciting.
On another note, I finished reading Patti Smith’s Devotion, which was amazing. It is a tiny book, short but full of so much. A few chapters on Patti’s experiences, a short story, poetry, and photos. Amazing.
Thanks for reading, please follow or subscribe to read more about my journey writing My Frist Novel.
WARNING: CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS
photo source: imdb.com
I am a big fan of the Hemlock Grove series that was featured by Netflix from 2013-2015. After starting the first season I was instantly pulled into this strange horror/suspense series and shortly after I decided to read the novel (Hemlock Grove) that the Netflix series was based on by Brian McGreevy.
The novel possesses traits that remind me of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (format and stylistic approach). The narration jumps from character to character and includes text and email dialogue as well. I found McGreevy’s approach to trademark horror elements (monsters, murder and mystery) intriguing. It’s as if Hemlock Grove is an evolved version of a classic Victorian novel only with more gore and the inclusion of technology. Overall the novel is as good if not better than the Netflix series and left me wanting more.
What I love about the Netflix Series:
The characters are played by talented actors that give the characters amazing depth and complexity. As the series progresses these characters evolve and change (few for better, most for the worst) and this progression is wonderfully portrayed by the actors. Their ability to pull the inner struggles and desires from the core of these characters adds to the series as a whole.
Netflix’s approach to the subject matter and their knack for gory details satisfies my need for an ever evolving horror/suspense show that recognizes the chuckle that comes with vampires and werewolves but also adds more and makes it unique to its predecessors. These vampires (Umpirs) and Werewolves are different from the mainstream ones that have been over glorified and given too many (almost unbelievable) moralistic traits but they also contain key elements that horror fans recognize. For example the stereotype of gypsy werewolves and aristocratic origins of old vampires is paired with a werewolf gone ‘berserk’ (lol) a.k.a. Vargulf and an Umpir who uses money and science to better understand her species.
Throughout the series there is no restraints on the use of blood and bodies. The show is rated MA for Mature for a reason. I personally love the over the top use of blood and dead bodies. At certain times in the series (season one) the blood is used precisely to instill fear of the mysterious monster that is terrorizing Hemlock Grove. In season two blood is used in exaggeration (I think to reflect the gravity of the events taking place, as well as Roman’s ever increasing blood lust). The best example of the over to top use of blood is in this scene from season two episode five,
(source: youtube.com user: Nippy93)
Roman’s need for blood is seen in this ‘daydream’ of his as he fantasizes about drinking Miranda’s blood. The music and slow motion reflect his lust filled desire to indulge in his Umpir appetite.
Alongside the use of blood and classic monsters, the story also includes unknown creatures that I have never read about (I also study folklore and mythology). This inclusion of other strange creatures is intriguing and demonstrates the stories ability to evolve and adapt to a modern audience.
The soundtrack is varied and includes many different songs spanning across multiple genres. I am curious to know if the soundtrack was chosen in collaboration with others in the production of the series or if the music is just a particular taste of one individual. I find the soundtrack refreshing and remarkably reflective of the show as a whole.
(Here is a spotify playlist that includes the songs used in the Hemlock Grove series)
With every show and story there comes a fandom. I usually indulge in looking up behind the scene photos or extra information on the actors and actresses of a series that I love but with Hemlock Grove I find myself admiring the characters from a safe distance. I’m not concerned about the questionable relationship between the two main characters, Roman and Peter, but love to dissect their attributes and actions while I read/watch Hemlock Grove.
Many lovers of Hemlock Grove gravitate to Roman Godfrey (played by Bill Skarsgard) because of his looks and of course his role as an Umpir. From what I’ve found there is little obsession over Peter (played by Landon Liboiron) which I think is a shame (or I just haven’t looked hard enough). Personally I’ve always gravitated to werewolves in horror novels and films versus vampires because of the honesty in which the werewolf operates. A werewolf cannot hide in a crowd when transformed, it is a brutal creature that kills versus a vampire that looks like anyone else when it is killing, save it’s fangs and distorted face. But really it all comes down to preference.
Overall, I would recommend Hemlock Grove to anyone that is open minded and loves Horror/Suspense shows. I can see Hemlock Grove as an acquired taste for some people and probably ridiculous to others. I personally love the Netflix Series (even with season three’s conclusion) and the novel by Brian McGreevy. I plan on re-reading the novel this summer and watching the series over again (I can’t count how many times I’ve seen the whole series, over and over again).
Please feel free to leave any responses in a comment below! I’d love to converse with any other fans of the series or expand on this small reflection in the future, given a specific topic.
If you are reading this Thank You for taking time out of your day to read my writing! I hope you return in the future!
