NaNoWriMo is here, and for the first time in six months, I’ve decided not to work on a novel this month. Instead, I’m putting together a poetry collection of at least 10k words. I don’t like the idea of assigning a word count to a poetry collection, but it is a good place to start.
So far, the word count is around 356, and I’ve started on four poems. What I like about this idea is that I want to push my poetry into a new direction, more prose-like and with a storyline like a vignette or a novella-type creation.
While I’m working on this, I’ve been reading Dorianne Laux’s Finger Exercises for Poets, and it’s already helped me explore new ways to compile fragments of poems and build my dictionary of specific words that represent my world, my past, present, and future. What I value is Laux’s emphasis on incorporating all of the senses in poems and finding one’s own persona—the persona, voice, distinctive to a poet that takes time and work to develop.
At the same time, I’ve held off on posting any updates on my blog for a while, but finally, I’ll let you in on a little secret. I started graduate school and am close to finishing my first semester. I’m working on a Master’s in Library and Information Science from SJSU.
I’ve wanted to work on this degree since I graduated college in 2018, but I finally took the plunge this year, and it’s been fantastic. I’m a part-time student since I’m still working full-time, but so far, it’s been a good balance between the two.
Graduate school is a different experience than undergraduate school. The workload is heavier, and the studies are more complex and focused. I’ve always been drawn to this type of academic study, and now I’m wondering if pursuing a PhD in Library and Information Science after this may be a good fit for me.
Besides NaNoWriMo, which is now my poetry writing month, I’m listening to Nine Inch Nail’s Ghosts VI: Locusts album, watching Only Murders in the Building, and bracing for another four years of Trump. Why does it feel like I’m living in The Twilight Zone?
I could write a whole other blog post on the anxiety and other emotions I have when it comes to the outcome of the election, but at this point, what does it matter to expend energy on that topic in that way? Maybe I will eventually, but not today.
Are you participating in NaNoWriMo24? If so, I want to hear from you. Leave a comment below, and let’s connect!
The featured image for this post was generated by AI – what do you think?
It snowed yesterday and today. It’s chilly but not too horrible and all I’ve really needed is a thick sweater to stay warm in our drafty apartment (it’s not that bad).
A RANT: LEAVING US TO DIE
So, the Stimulus Package passed, awesome. But I’m still not expecting anything, or any help financially from the government right away. They already nickel and dimed the country, the people who need the money the most right now, a one-time payment of $1,200 is nothing when looking at the average cost of living, especially for families making less than $30,000/year AND the minimum wage ($7.25/hour).
What it really feels like is a slap in the face. Not only did I lose my job because of the spread of COVID-19 but I’ve lost my health insurance. I keep thinking about the people with families that lost their health insurance, the older employees that couldn’t retire, everyone living paycheck to paycheck, some of which already didn’t have benefits. But those that had benefits through their employers that lost them when they lost their jobs, those that are in the age range with a higher chance of becoming terminally ill or worse dying from COVID-19, I don’t know what they’re going to do. I feel like for many of us, we’re being left to die, if we don’t lose our lives or people we care about we are going to lose everything else with the risk of eviction, collections, bankruptcy, and homelessness.
But I’m trying to stay positive, focused, and busy despite everything’s that’s going, despite the warning signs I have been seeing for the past two weeks that it’s not going to get better any time soon.
Writing, reading, but mainly searching for online jobs and applying to a minimum of one or two a day. And it’s hard. I’ve been applying regularly like this every single day since March 16th. I have to keep trying.
UNEMPLOYMENT
I have not been given a definitive date as to when I can expect my first unemployment check. And tomorrow I have to refile for the week. I’ve heard from friends, co-workers, and others who have had to use unemployment that their first check didn’t arrive until three or four weeks after the first time they filed.
And the monthly unemployment benefits that I was estimated to receive will barely be over $600/month. That doesn’t even cover my share of rent or utilities. I’m hope I’m just looking at it wrong, I hope it really will be more now that the Stimulus Bill passed. But I am still not expecting any help from the Government or the President since they’ve proven through their corporate bailouts who it is they really care about.
“quarantined” Original Art Work March 26, 2020 by Alina Happy Hansen
I used a reference photo I found on Instagram and then made it my own. I should’ve used watercolors or something brighter to color it (just used colored pencils and a highlighter). But I still like it.
MUSIC
Nine Inch Nails released their albums GHOSTS V-VI for FREE! I downloaded them and they are amazing. Totally gives the my life right now an official soundtrack. Love it!
Thank you for reading and being a part of my life during this strange time. Stay well and stay safe out there!
Liked this blog post? Feel free to check out more in this series ?
(featured image is a still from one of 101WKQK’s interviews with NIN)
I recently watched a short snippet provided on youtube of an interview with “Nine Inch Nails” by 101WKQK (published on youtube.com on Oct. 6th, 2017). The questions were answered by Trent Reznor, leading frontman, and revolved around NIN’s relation and involvement in Modern Day Festivals.
I found this seven-and-a-half minute interview illuminating as Reznor touched on being in an “Old Rock Band” still playing today alongside young musicians. Reznor also talks about being an artist and what that means to him in regards to how artists place themselves in the public sphere (social media etc.). Atticus Ross sat by Reznor and did not say much, whispered to Reznor frequently but said almost nothing.
I am a HUGE fan of Reznor and his projects with Atticus Ross (soundtracks for major motion pictures) and I loved NIN’s latest release “Add Violence” which came out in July. I was curious to hear his commentary and views on being an “Old Rock Band” particularly one that still plays instruments versus the computer-generated sounds and DJing which have taken over in the music industry as the popular form.
I personally like both kinds of music but relish in hearing music that is made solely by I guess they would be called now “classic” rock instruments; guitar, bass, drums, vocals, with little to none add-ons done after recording (background noise, effects, synthetic sounds) of course NIN’s music has way more involved than just the classic instruments but it is the fact that they still play and use them that makes them one of the “Old Rock Bands”. There is something amazing and beautiful hearing a band actually play instruments and create sound but there is arguably no difference between someone playing an instrument to create music versus playing on programs and computer software, the outcome is still the same, we get music and it does take talent and skill to create music that is generally accepted to be good or even legendary.
In the interview, Reznor was asked how it feels to play big music festival shows, particularly the two that they performed at this year. Ross whispers to Reznor every once in a while in response to the questions, I think Ross was more of letting Reznor take the reigns of answering these questions for this interview. Reznor replied,
“I think rock bands are out of fashion generally, you know these days but I don’t give a shit.”
Later going on to comment generally on how the younger artists such as Frank Ocean and DJ Khaled are completely different artists than NIN. Reznor also remarks on the need today for everyone to be on all social media, or as a platform for artists to have everything out there and available for audiences,
“I’m a big believer in less is more on that front and I said this elsewhere but…our decision making collectively comes from our experience….our tastes and our judgement…and the endless amount of decisions made…are not based on what we [NIN] think you’ll like but what we know we like…”
Reznor continues on the subject of social media and how, in his opinion, why people participate in it,
“…I think that now as everyone’s a publisher, everybody’s got a blog, and everybody’s got a facebook profile and instagram and snapchat, the world can’t wait to see everything about ‘my fantastic life’ that I’m presenting to you through a distorted lens about how awesome it is…”
This conversation on social media and the artist leads Reznor on to reflecting how he listened to music while he was growing up and that he rarely ever saw a picture of the actual band (which he loved, such as Pink Floyd) and that because of this there was a mystery about these bands, they were like “gods” to him that he could connect to according to how he felt when listening to their music. Reznor believes that it is important for the artist to have a little bit of mystery to them to fascinate people,
” I have grown to believe that trying to stay out of the limelight a bit, leave something to the imagination and I think an artist should be mysterious in my opinion…try to avoid the need to over saturate yourself…”
Reznor also mentions that although he does not believe personally inputting your entire life out there on social media that that is a particular thing for him and what it means to him to be an artist,
“…Times are different…I’m not trying to say its wrong…but I do think there are some lessons to be learned about the role of the artist, the role of art, the role of music, we still base it on what it was to us, what it meant to us, what matters to us…”
(quotes are from time marker 2:10-6:40)
I resonated with a lot of what Reznor discussed in this interview mainly because I have similar viewpoints and opinions on social media, the artist, and “Old Rock Bands”. I don’t have a facebook, on purpose, I think it is a total waste of time and I remember in high school when I did have one and it was starting to gain this traction as a thing where having as many “friends” as possible was what was desired. It was also growing to be more popular and more widely used by everyone I knew then, the now ancient and relatively unknown “Myspace”. After graduating from high school I “deleted” my facebook account because I wanted to start fresh, interpret that however you like I don’t care.
It is only in this year ( I am not counting my addiction to Tumblr that started in 2013 and reigned until the beginning of this year) that I finally got a Twitter (and kept it), got an Instagram and created this blog. I have held a very strong belief that if anyone wanted to be apart of my life they would come into my life, by this I mean, knowing what I’m doing, where I hang out, what I like, what food I eat, which is all the information that people generally share with everyone (the entire world) on most social media sites. I am still reluctant to be apart of an online community and put myself out there because I think there is something to be valued in an individual experience or one among a few people but times are changing and I acknowledge that I may be left in the dust if I don’t jump on the band wagon in some form or another (however I am aware of how much information I am putting out there on the internet and what it means to me).
I am an artist in that I am a musician, a Writer, and I actually create art, paintings, drawings etc. These are the ways in which I express myself and that I can connect with others. Reznor’s comments on the artist as a mysterious person I think is valid. There is so much more left to the imagination that is up for the audience to fill in. I do not know how people percieve my work in its many forms and I don’t care because all that matters is that I am getting my work out there and I hope there is a chance that it will help or mean something to someone who feels they can connect with it, that’s it.
Also, Reznor’s reflection on how he grew up listening to music gave me a kind of relief because I have a similar style to his. If I find new music that I enjoy the very last thing I do after listening, usually to a full album, of their music for a few months is google them. I make it a point not to look up a band’s pictures or history until after I decide I want to know more. This is an interesting venture for me now because I do like to use Spotify which has almost all of a bands info available alongside their music but it is a habit I’ve had for as long as I can remember. After I do look at pictures and info, I watch music videos which are a hit or miss experience for me every time. I can love a song for months and finally watch the music video which influences my interpretation of the song and how I feel about it after. I am trying to get better at this and look at music videos as another format of a song, an entity that can be evaluated seperately from the song, this does help but it is difficult because lines are blurred between the two most of the time, where does the art stop and start?
Overall, I wanted to post a quick reflection on this interview because I loved it and obviously related to what Reznor was saying. I hope that for any fans of NIN out there, they also find this interview if so talk to me! Let me know what you thought of it!
Thank you for reading my writing, I hope you will return in the future!
-Alina
Note: I am thinking about doing a quick review of “A Perfect Circle’s” single release “The Doomed” which has been available to audiences for a little over a month now. Any thoughts?
I am overwhelmed by the music being released this year already…so much I love and so much to look forward to.
One album soon to be released (July 21st, Friday) is Nine Inch Nails ADD VIOLENCE EP.
Two songs have been released already to the public LESS THAN and THIS ISN’T THE PLACE. The latter song was put up just yesterday on NIN’s official youtube channel. The song is melodic, slow and infectious. The video features a machine (audio equipment?) with knobs/buttons/lights labeled phrases such as ‘Amplify Chaos’ and ‘Add Violence’, as the song goes on the camera slowly pulls back revealing more of the machine.
The video is simple and after I viewed it for around the 50th time (not kidding) a few ideas came to me. I have long loved NIN and have worshiped creations by Trent Reznor. His lyrics and technique in song writing is extraordinary. Reznor often critiques society/politics and inner turmoil among other things in his song lyrics (think album YEAR ZERO).
A connection between Year Zero and ADD VIOLENCE is definitely there and NIN has given information about this. Info in article here.
My impression from the video might be a bit of a stretch but this is what I got, old machine (audio equipment of some sort, I’m guessing) appears aged and beaten up a bit but everything appears to ‘work’ as the machine turns on and comes to life. The machine could be a metaphor for a society that still runs on ‘old technology’ or ideals (phrases on buttons/knobs). A reference that comes to my mind is the machine in the underground facility in the early 2000’s TV show LOST. I’m not sure if this is audio equipment but if it is then my idea of a society that runs on ‘old technology or ideals’ could be the spoken word/thought process that is ‘old/archaic’ and still being used today. A bit of a stretch yes but that’s what I think of.
A few thoughts on the video for LESS THAN. Video begins with a woman staring at a TV screen with game controller in her hands (TV looks like an old chunky TV from the 90’s or early 2000’s) a neon bright animation is shown on the TV screen similar to a retro video game from the ’80’s . Lyrics are digitized and zoom up into the viewers face. This reminds me of virtual reality and societies trends today that revolve around the style and technology of past generations. It is as if the woman, in the video, is being consumed by this ‘new/old’ technology until her identity becomes nothing. The repeating line at the beginning of the chorus, “So what are you waiting for? You got what you asked for.” brings to my mind the idea that millennials (myself included) demand more of everything and for a generation that is overloaded with technology in their life, most of us get sucked into a ‘virtual reality’ of what ‘life is like’ (how people look, what people do, who they are etc. think social media/fashion trends and airbrushing photos for flawless skin). The end of the video has quick shots cut in of what I think is a hand reaching out of the TV…reference to VIDEODROME? Not sure but that’s what comes to mind.
(VIDEODROME (1983) photo source: imdb.com)
To sum it all up, I am excited for this new release from NIN and will be purchasing a digital copy and most likely a vinyl copy as well for my collection!!!
Please feel free to leave any comments below!
Thank you for reading my writing and I hope you return in the future!
-Alina
p.s. I haven’t started watching the new season of Twin Peaks yet but damn NIN on the show is wicked, see video here.
Among the countless bands that I listen to there is not a single one that can compare to Nine Inch Nails. Founded by Trent Reznor in the late 1980’s (wiki) who has outlasted so many of his contemporaries. NIN (latter ‘N’ should be reversed) and other bands/projects by/with Reznor have a heart of their own, beating with the electric pulse of the modern world. Reznor has gone beyond as a musician, artist and composer. His unique style and technique in the production of music is like no other. From the raw hell of Pretty Hate Machine to the echoing screams of Not the Actual Events (nin.com) the works of NIN/Reznor are unmatched.
I can’t remember the first moment I heard NIN but I feel like they must’ve been playing in the background for a good part of my childhood. My parents and relatives were always listening to music and between my Aunt, Uncle, and my Father I was exposed to a variety of music from the 1980’s on.
In High School I became deeply obsessed with bands like Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson and Tool. I would spend hours looking through my Father’s CD collection, picking out random ones and popping them into my portable disk player. There was a huge range of music that I was exposed to thanks to my Father’s open mindedness and I credit my ability to explore and reference music to these days.
Every month I revisit multiple NIN albums and find myself re-exploring familiar territory but discovering something new every time. I love it all to death and back but always pick up Pretty Hate Machine (spinning it on vinyl, nothing can compare), Ghosts I-IV, Hesitation Marks, and The Downward Spiral (nin.com). Usually I climb back and forth between these albums and others but always return to the brutal hearts of these four albums.
I immerse myself into the music, usually taking time out of my day to just sit down and listen to a record or a handful of songs at a time, trying to pick out parts and pieces. The words within the exploding lyrics that still echo in my mind after all these years haunt me and now I realize that these words inspired me early on to write. The time I take to do this is priceless and I feel that it is ultimately therapeutic. Next to Art and Writing, Music is as crucial part of my life that has contributed to a large collage soundtrack of memorable, horrible, dark, and wonderful moments of my life; not only echoing or playing in the background but expressing my life on a deeper level; emotionally audible.
The magnetic pull back to NIN and Reznor’s music keeps me going. Maybe I am responding to the rawness of it all, the anguish, pain and isolation that is expressed within the music. Maybe it is the tone and technique that feels like a synthetic world and an old world are colliding. Maybe it is the exploration of the digital and technological paired with the struggle of a self reflective mind and animal instincts that still possess humankind. Maybe it is the fresh wound made from living in this world that will never heal. Maybe NIN is the soundtrack to a life I’ve never lived.
