I’ve been taking a break from posting regularly, from writing and reading, to take in what’s happening. Until today, I even forgot this month is National Poetry Month. It seems so trivial compared to the events that are propelling us into another tumultuous year.
When the trial of Derek Chauvin began, tensions were starting to build. Then, on Sunday, Daunte Wright was shot and killed by a police officer less than a year since George Floyd’s killing and only miles away. Protests broke out the same day in multiple cities.
Dealing with the frustration and the sadness of this event while processing the trial’s updates is nerve-wracking. Hoping for true justice for George Floyd’s killing, and then only to have another Black man killed. These events are the kindling for a raging fire primed to spread across the nation.
To me, it feels like this is the start of another summer of protests. The same emotions and tensions are there, but now a compound interest of the events of the past year have the ability to birth events that will make last year appear tame in comparison (—add the growing frustration about the hate crimes directed toward the AAPI community. The nation will continue to ride these waves of unrest until real change happens. We cannot step back into the past; we have to move forward.
I feel a gnawing sadness mixed with irritation. This country is on the cusp of change, but it’s not safe to say if the change will be for the good of the people or reinforce the plague of systemic racism and economic oppression that have killed people for generations.
The poor are getting poorer while the rich are benefiting from the pandemic. The gaps are growing among social classes, which adds to the tension from the murdering of Black people by police, hate crimes, and the pandemic.
The pandemic is an infectious thread weaving it all together. With many places opening up, loosening restrictions, and ending mask mandates without the recommended minimum of 70-90% of the population fully vaccinated for herd immunity to work, there could very likely be another deadly wave like what we saw during winter.
We’ve already lost approximately 562,000 people. How many more will die? I think it is very likely with the low percentages of people either partially or fully vaccinated, this premature reopening could result in states shutting down again this year.
How will it be six months from now? Three months? Who knows, but this year isn’t going to be a quiet one from what I’ve observed.
I wrote this at the beginning of the week. Yesterday, there was another mass shooting, this time in Indianapolis. A 19-year-old man killed eight people, injured seven, and then killed himself. I wonder how many people have to die before we take responsibility for these killings, enact stricter gun laws, and provide more resources for those in need of help. We need to seriously consider why men are capable of these horrific acts of mass murder. How do these acts reflect on the condition of our society? Our country?
What do these killings say about us? It’s not just the actions of one person that resulted in the murder of innocent people, it’s our inability to take action to prevent this that resulted in their deaths. These deaths, from racism, hatred, pain, from the pandemic, these are on us. We have to take responsibility for what we’ve done.
Yesterday, I finally decided that I was going to read Mary L. Trump’s book Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man. For the last month, I had been reading numerous articles anticipating the release of Mary’s book. Curious about what she had to say, I finally bought the kindle version yesterday. Of course, I’m not surprised that Trump tried to stop her from publishing this book in the final countdown before the election.
What to expect?
Well, I am going to read and review Mary’s book. I plan to have my review done by the end of this month or sooner. I am going to pick the book apart like I would any other piece of written content. Concept/theme, structure, and clarity. I’m curious about Mary’s angle and how the book’s subject matter will be plotted out. I am also eager to go over her references and sources.
Trying to balance out life, staying-at-home, and how much time I spend on social media. Being home all the time has its side effects. My beer gut is growing. I have unlimited access to the news and social media if left unchecked. And without a routine, I will surely spiral into chaos. But I’ve stuck to my routine and continue to read and write all the time.
I allow myself about one to two hours a day of ingesting news. I read The New York Times and The Salt Lake Tribune. Tapering down on social media has also helped bring my stress levels down.
How long is this going to last?
We’re heading into the FIFTH MONTH of COVID-19. In the U.S. there is still chaos, misinformation, and poor leadership. But I have hope, and with the Black Lives Matter movement still going strong, my fingers are crossed that this year’s election is not a repeat of 2016.
Peaceful Protests Escalated by Cottonwood Heights PD
In Salt Lake City, local news continues to smear peaceful protesters, casting them as rioters causing trouble. This weekend a peaceful protest in Cottonwood Heights was escalated when police showed up outnumbering protesters. They herded protesters, had their cars towed, and then assaulted and pepper-sprayed them. I watched so many live videos on Instagram from protesters that showed the police attacking and brutalizing them. Horrible.
It’s like the police just don’t get it. Their actions are why peaceful protesters are on the streets. The Salt Lake Tribune published an article that, in my opinion, aimed to cheer for the Cottonwood Heights Police Department while smearing the peaceful protesters. Yesterday there was another protestwhere Trump and Blue Lives Matter supporters showed up but more concerning is that Utah Citizens’ Alarm group was there and armed with guns, a “deterrent to violence,” said Casey Roberston, founder of the group in the Salt Lake Tribune’s article.
The Utah Citizens’ Alarm showing up with guns is not to deter violence. It’s to intimidate protesters, visually threatening them by carrying guns, implying that they will shoot them if protesters become “violent”. Of course, the police do nothing about this group, and I’ve read articles that many in this group know the police. They are working in tandem with them. The group says on their Facebook page that they support peaceful protests. There is something unsettling about the way they talk about themselves and their mission.
Black Lives Matter Utah works in cooperation with CAG, The Coalition for Police Reform, The United Front Civil Rights Organization, Brown Berets, Cop Watch Salt Lake City, SURJ, United Front White Allies, Utah Against Police Brutality, and many other activist groups. We encourage you to join every group and support them all. We are in no competition with any other group. All active civil rights groups which fight against oppression should be supported.
This group is what you make of it. If you have an idea then suggest it and run with it. Lead. Do not be afraid to lead and to help the movement.
385-743-0298
They provide a phone number and a list of other organizations they work with.
This is their about page. To me it is concerning. Look at the parts I’ve bolded. It’s like they’re spinning that they support peaceful protests, solidarity, but the wording is vague and general. I don’t trust this group and it concerns me that this group has 18.3k members. If they have nothing to hide and they are working with law enforcement why is the group set to PRIVATE?
About This Group
MISSION STATEMENT
Utah Citizens’ Alarm works to maintain peace in the state of Utah by educating its communities in areas of preparedness and self-defense; fostering unity between citizens of all backgrounds and races as a show of solidarity in times of disaster and civil unrest; and building strong relationships with law enforcement through cooperative community efforts.
VISION STATEMENT
Utah Citizens’ Alarm creates an environment of safety, preparedness, and peace in communities and neighborhoods across our state through strong, organized citizen alliances.
OUR START
In June of 2020, concerned Utah citizen Casey Robertson made a life-changing decision to invite friends to take a stand against violence that had been accompanying protests over issues of racial inequality and police brutality. The result of his simple call to action on social media was a flood of local patriots ready and willing to join and support his cause of supporting peaceful protest while denouncing and deterring violence. The group grew quickly – by the thousands in a matter of days – and immediately became known as Utah Citizens’ Alarm.
It was Casey’s love for his country and his home town that prompted him to stand against violence after a Provo protest turned ugly, ending in the shooting of a driver trying to make his way through the crowd blocking an intersection. Now, along with inviting Utah residents to stand against violence at protests, Casey also aims to help people form alliances in their own small communities that will create neighborhoods that are safe, protected, and prepared for all situations.
So Casey is helping small communities set up alliances, groups, of armed citizens to defend themselves? To protect peaceful protesters? To protect their neighborhoods from “violence”?
There is a difference between peaceful protesters gathering and ARMED CIVILIANS showing up to protests to “deter violence”.
I will be looking for more information about this group to prove my point wrong that Utah Citizens’ Alarm is not just a gun-toting group that shows up to intimidate protesters.
How obvious does it have to be? Do people not see what is happening here?
For months now, this specific group of protesters gathered every Sunday and danced in the streets. Dancing in the street is punishable by being pepper-sprayed, beaten, and threatened with felony charges?
I’m deeply disappointed in Utah. The response here to the protests is unacceptable and continues to sour. Watching Live Videos from KSL news on Facebook covering the protests is difficult; people comment that unemployed kids have nothing better to do than protest for criminals.
I see more and more “Trump 2020!” and “BlueLivesMatter” on Facebook and other social media platforms. Disgusting. I have been coming across comments that say the Black Lives Matter movement has been hijacked, used as an excuse to protest just about anything. Amazing, the ignorance is incredible.
How do these people supporting cops, not see the injustice, the brutality? Even when it happens right in front of them when police assault peaceful protesters? Is it possible that many of the same people that cheer “Trump 2020!” are also the ones spouting “Blue Lives Matter”? Hmmm.
I could go on and on but I’m going to wrap up my little opinion-rant.
DISCLAIMER: This blog post is a reflection of personal experiences and opinions. My blog is personal, so is my writing, my poetry, all of it. I’ll cut to the chase to save you some time. I support BLM, and I wear a mask. I’ll state that now, since it seems like everyone only cares about knowing what side you’re on?
Motivation? Where?
I feel like a train slowing down on the tracks, out of steam, out of energy. Tired. For the past week, I’ve been asking myself, “Where’s my motivation?”
R.I.P. John Lewis
Reading about John Lewis has been inspiring. His death has reverberated through the country, and he will be sorely missed. Losing Lewis now during the movement is a blow, but his work, his life continues to influence many. Myself included. Rest in peace John Lewis.
I just started watching this a couple of days ago. Amazing. I’m a huge fan of the Watchmen comic, it played an important part of my teen years, and the movie that came out (over a decade ago now?!) was pretty cool. I highly recommend this series if you’re in the mood for something serious and dark. It’s relevant to present times.
Sick of being inside, but I’m staying indoors.
Four months I’ve been inside, staying home, rarely going out. And when I leave the apartment, I’m only going to places I have to go to: the store, post office, and gas station. And the occasional social distancing visit with a family member. In total, I’ve probably been out maybe fifteen times.
Whenever I go to a public place, I wear my mask. It’s just common courtesy, but I guess it’s too much of an inconvenience to save lives for some people?
Guess what there’s a great little group of anti-maskers in Utah calling themselves “Defending Utah” that have been flash mobbing retail stores—protesting by swarming places, putting Utahns at risk, and putting their own lives at risk.
I did a bit of research, and it turns out that there were also anti-maskers during the 1918 Spanish Flu Pandemic. Big surprise.
I’m worn out. It seems to me that every single thing is being politicized. Every action taken is scrutinized with social media as the tool. I’m not saying I’m innocent, and I haven’t been doing this, I have, but even I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of people starting up arguments. It’s a waste of time because they’re not interested in having a conversation; they only want to yell their opinions. I am not interested in seeking out people that I disagree with and attacking them with belittling comments and derogatory remarks that are not my style.
I love to have conversations with people. I don’t care if you believe in god or not. I don’t care if you call yourself a republican or democrat, I am open to talking with anyone. The country is divided (always has been) it’s disheartening to see the division grow.
Of course, there will probably be some troll out there that will take that as an invitation to start attacking via “let’s have a conversation.”
What I’m not open to is opening up a conversation with someone only interested in tooting their own horn and proceeding to attack me and my beliefs.
Everyone is so busy fighting with each other, we’re getting distracted. People are questioning everyone’s motives; people are questioning scientific studies and facts. People are skewing the truth to fit their narrative (they’re not protestors, they are anarchists).
This will go on for the rest of the year, possibly next year too, but that’s just my opinion. I think it’s very likely things are not going to “die down.” The tension is only going to get worse the closer we get to the Election.
What I’ve been up to
I’m focusing on remote work, freelancing, and writing. But lately, I feel burnt out, exhausted, and struggling to keep my motivation up. I want to help, do my part, and show my support for Black Lives Matter.
Does that mean being a full-time social media BLM protestor? Sharing news and events, signing petitions, and making donations with whatever extra money I have? Yes.
To combat feeling burned out, I have been cutting down how many hours I work each day (usually around nine or ten). I also take micro-breaks from social media, turning off my notifications for twenty-four to forty-eight hours and focus on something else.
Why are people questioning science? Doctors? Health officials with background and experience in their respective fields? Why are people ready to fight against wearing a mask?
Where the hell did the rumor that masks are harmful to wear come from?
The first I heard of it was last Monday when I watched Governor Herbert’s COVID Briefing LIVE on K.S.L.
Bizarre.
What’s even crazier to me, reading in The Salt Lake Tribune that Cache County has asked it’s residents to have a “day of prayer“? This state is bizarre. I’ve said it before for years and years now, and I’ll repeat it IN UTAH THERE IS NO SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE. Don’t get me started on Utah County, and I don’t want to get into that today.
Staying Positive
The movement is still going.
But I admit it’s hard to stay positive when…
…I read about Portland protestors being assaulted and detained by unidentifiable (no badge, no I.D. number) Feds.
…I read Trump’s Remarks on Phase Four Negotiations, and he equates protestors with anarchists and says he’s going to deploy Feds to cities “run by liberal Democrats.“
…My Property Manager tells me I have to take down my BLM sign in my window because one of their properties had a window smashed displaying a sign. Interpret that however you like.
Despite my lack of motivation, I am inspired now more than ever to take action and donate more, sign more petitions, and do my tiny part in keeping the movement going.
I’ve made more donations besides these including Black Lives Matter organizations, George Floyd’s family, and others, but I can do more. I can be better and do better.
I’ll end with this; I hope you are doing well. I hope you are safe and healthy.
This year has sucker-punched me so often on so many different levels; I’m not celebrating Independence Day.
A bad taste in the mouth.
Black Lives Matter protests and the fight against police brutality distorted into criminal acts by those that oppose it (I do not deny there are riots, I’m emphasizing how those against the protests are discussing the peaceful demonstrations). I live in a country where the government and its leaders have continually failed to fight the spread of COVID-19. Now other countries are banning travelers from the U.S. What does that say about how the rest of the world regards America? And The POTUS continues to try to cause even more division in this country with dismal speeches.
Yeah, I’m not feeling it.
Give me hope, give me peace of mind.
We need leaders that unite and fight to protect the health, safety, and well-being of the citizens.
Prove me wrong, please. Stand up and take action. Care for one another, wear a damn mask, and fight against injustice.
Is it so hard to care about people?
Since this post is just a bundle of joy, here are some positives that have made my week a bit better.
Alina Happy Hansen May 2020 Photo Credit: Dallas Basta
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. To be honest, it’s because I am swamped with freelance and internship work. And I’m having a hard time processing the unrest and events that are happening in the U.S. right now on top of COVID-19.
Besides my freelancing, internship, and revising my novel, I am struggling to have hope for the future. Last night I read about Robert Fuller and the three other Black Americans that were found murdered, hanging from trees.
THIS is happening in 2020. What year are we living in? Horrifying. Devastating. I was trying my best not to cry last night, and I need to stop checking the news before I go to bed but, I’m glad I found out. It is heart-breaking.
These murders are the same as lynchings; this vile inhuman act represents the worst of humanity. I am in shock and I am afraid. Black lives matter and my deepest sympathies go out to the family and friends of the murdered, the dead.
I struggle to keep hope that things can change. That there is some light at the end of it all, at the end of this year, but this is too much. I think I may be hitting a breaking point. I feel useless, helpless, unable to do anything. How can I? I am just one white woman, one privileged white woman.
But I have to keep doing something. I’ve been signing petitions and donating. I’ve donated almost $100 to various Black Lives Matter organizations and George Floyd’s family. I’m signing and sharing petitions every single day. I just know I can do more.
On top of it all, Trump’s blatant acts, his rally, the timing, and the place, disgusting. Racist, cheat, lying, crook. This is not a leader for our country; this is a tyrant who wants to be a dictator.
I have the deepest hatred for Trump. He continues to use rhetoric that actively aims to obliterate the validity of the existence of my friends, my family, me, EVERYONE who is not a wealthy white male.
I have to stay strong, stay healthy, stay safe. I have to keep going, and so should you. We can’t give up hope. We can’t give up now. We have to keep fighting for the future, for lives yet lived.
And I’m exhausted.
My brain feels fried and I am worn out.
On a lighter note, updates about my work…
Besides freelancing, I’ve been working on my novel. I have an amazing opportunity with my literary internship. My editor has offered to read and help me edit my novel. She is doing this because helping me work on edits for my own novel will help me hone my skills as a developmental editor for the publishing house.
This is amazing. I spent the week working on revising the first three chapters. I added detail to my manuscript (MS), tightened it up, and even wrote a rough draft of a book blurb and my best query letter to a literary agent. This is such an incredible opportunity for me, and I am still in shock at my luck.
I am getting feedback and help with my novel, AND I am gaining invaluable work experience as a literary intern. It’s like everything that I’ve been working so hard for is finally starting to line up. The dominoes are in place, I just need the right push, and it’ll all work out perfectly in the long run. I’m sure of it.
Balancing my personal and work life with everything else that’s going on right now is incredibly difficult. I’m having to micro-manage my time and news intake because I have been so stressed out and anxious. It’s hard for many people right now but we have to keep going. And we have to keep fighting.
Stay strong, stay healthy, and stay safe my friends.
Much Love,
Alina
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