I haven’t been posting as many reflections on Life During COVID-19, politics, things happening, and adjusting to living in SF. I’ve been caught up in catching up. Between work, writing, and numerous trips back and forth between California and Utah, I feel like I haven’t had the time to sit, reflect, and write. So this post is a little warbly, moving all over the place as I start to get back on track.
Feeling Fall in SF
Subtly, the turn happens, and I can feel it in the air. It’s October, and fall is here. My boyfriend told me when he lived in SF all those years ago; he could never precisely remember what time of year it was when he recalled events because there aren’t drastic visible changes that mark the turning of seasons, at least not like in Utah.
But I’ve noticed, the few trees in the city, they look different. The heavy salty scent of water in the air is different even when mixed with the aromas of piss, shit, and trash. The change is abstruse, but I can see it. There is a Fall in SF, and I am enjoying its peculiar attributes.
The Roaring Blue Angels
I am munching on toasted honey wheat slices smeared with artichoke antipasto. I’ve drunk my coffee, and I’m trying to ignore the roaring Blue Angels as they sweep over the city, reminding me of the stories of Nazis dropping bombs on London during WWII. I’ve had a fear of planes flying low, the sound, the unknown, waiting to hear something more. Explosions and screams. I think this came from watching the Twin Towers fall into rubble on TV when I was a kid. Being told it was real, it’s not a movie; people are dead—murdered. It’s stuck with me.
Something that’s lived in the back of my mind, that death can strike like lightning, taking us out in an instant. I can’t take a moment for granted since then. Constantly aware that one moment leads into another, and then suddenly, it could abruptly end.
These feelings are so closely linked with the seasons changing into fall, my favorite time of year, when decay is beautiful, and a primordial power surges like rushing waves over every single thing.
A Month of Halloween Vibes
Halloween is approaching, but the month of October feels like a month-long celebration. It oozes from every fluctuation in the air, a magnetism that whips out from some other world. Could this possibly be the veil thinning that I’ve read so much about?
This year is different. I’m living in SF. The pandemic is ongoing, now over 700,000 dead, and I feel like the country continues to suffer from whiplash. Trump, politics, murder, the government continuing to neglect the people.
It’s like blood in the mouth, the taste of it hard to swallow, so it just pours over lips and drips to the ground, staining that spot indefinitely. The traumas, the life-changing events they’ve marked me, stained me in ways I’m not sure I can figure out right now.
Creeping and Living in SF
I’m listening to Thom York’s Creep (Very 2021 Remix). The rhythm has been slowed down to a bone-aching pulse. The eight-minute remix somehow sounds like a brand new song, but it’s so familiar. And yes, it feels like 2021; the stagnation, the PTSD, the hollowness of it all. And somehow, it all mingles with my first experience of fall in SF and, soon, Halloween.
I love this city. I thought maybe this would be an excellent place to rest for a few years before moving up the coast. But now I’m sure that this is a permanent home. Where else can I blend in so seamlessly? Where else can I experience so much culture and diversity within forty-seven square miles? SF has history, it’s alive, and underneath it all, there is something adoringly spooky about it that I can’t help but revel in.
An End to a Prelude
So, consider this short blog post a prelude to what I’m thinking will be a much longer piece focusing on the pandemic. I’m getting back into gear, and I will be posting more poems and prepping for NaNoWriMo 2021.
Until then: I have a few questions for readers.
If you live in SF, do you notice a change in the seasons? What do you think of the Blue Angels? Are there any spooky stories about SF that you’d like to share?
Leave a comment, start a conversation, or ask me a question below.
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